Writing Assignment

Warmed Up Autumn

We are still far from being a loved up couple as I envisioned myself to be.

It has been two days, with comfortable silence in between to give thoughtful replies rather than random thoughtless utterings. This felt rather mature for me.

'How's your day going?' David broke the silence, much to my surprise.

'It's 4pm Manila local time, and just chilling.' I checked the time and counted backwards to eight, and it was eight in the morning London local time.

'I just finished working out in the gym I'll head for the shower in a bit then I'll head to work,' he informed me.

I thought that was intimate.

'Do you have any fantasies? Tell me more. I'll reply later, as I have to prepare for work. But feel free to drop messages as the day goes by,' David replied, and I smiled by this invitation.

I never knew he was this open. He was closed-off as I remembered him from 2011. I gave myself a few more minutes to compose myself and reveal myself more to David, I know where these acts might lead to true intimacy, genuine companionship, and true love.

Walking aimlessly in a metropolitan shopping mall, deciding between to sit up in my room with a cup of coffee and converse with David or in a cafe. 'How long will this go on?' I thought as I held my phone in my hand.

The first and only coffee date we had back then kept replaying in my mind. I remember that date vividly even when David had forgotten it. I suppose young people have more vivid memories, as everything was new and therefore memorable even when it is nothing but mundane.

'Threesome,' as first I thought it was a cliché fantasy, whilst I've decided to just go home into my flat and just brew myself a cup of coffee as this conversation would last a while.

I really couldn't find myself lying to David and even exaggerating what is true just to impress him. I don't even know where this newly found confidence of mine is coming from. There's that feeling of confidence and simply not giving a toss anymore. I just know that I am more than enough to make him happy.

I looked at myself at all the window glasses I've passed by. Am I slim enough? I am definitely not chubby, but I am still not Claudia Schiffer at the height of her career. Am I tall enough? I surely don't have the height of an elite rower, but I definitely do not need to wear high heels to be seen. As a matter of fact, I sometimes feel the need to slouch to look short in my host country in Asia, not to look rather tall. Am I educated enough? I sure am.

Perhaps, for the sake of being slim enough, I could lose some body fat. Size 10 and medium are surely not size 2, and I am no longer twenty-five when I reached size 0. Talk about the height of my writing career in the film industry.

'Threesome with two brothers,' I replied to David whilst trying not to be conscious of his physical demands too much.

'Typical,' he replied.

The myster with David is that he hardly open. Ultra masculine methinks.

'Not exactly, how about the two brothers,' I counterargued.

'It's a variation of a thresome but it is still the same,' he reiterated.

'I beg to differ,' I said, as I am starting to feel fed up being compared to the women David met yet still holding on to my patience. After all, if I conceded this early then it means I have not learned anything for almost ten years, and I'm just mocking the maturity I had gained over the years of bountiful experiences with men, love and romance.

'Then tell me more,' he replied. I bit my lip, as I've never met any man who wants to know more than what I let on. This is probably answers, why I'm putting up.

'Two men is just bang, bang, bang like a hammer. Two brothers is more like a jackhammer - plugged into an electric source. There is the presence of more intense competition to win a woman.' I explained myself. It felt as if I've let a power out of me. I felt my energy drained by truthing it.

'So you like to be pounded so hard. Have you ever told this fantasy to someone,' his curiosity is boundless as I remembered him delivering lectures at universities thus it is not surprising why, and my mind is stimulating and I'm slowly burning and melting.

'Yes. My Slovakian ex. He has a younger brother, and he refused when I told him in 2011. He claimed it as incest. Though it is not. But he is entitled to his opinion. Correcting his English might mean catastrophe. My Swedish ex also, he refused to share his brother(s).

Then I told my transwoman part-time private entertainment worker for men, they understand it very well. It was so refreshing. The non-judgmental conversation. They started calling me "brother fucker" and I was so turned on.' 

I was smiling when I was typing my essay of a WhatsApp message to David. I felt not judged. I felt he's getting the know the real me. Slowly unmasking. Slowly undressing.

'Haha of course you'll feel turned on when they called you brother fucker.

And for the record, threesome with two brothers is not incest! Funny that ex of yours. Haha

Now tell me, why have you not done it?'

I know someone who fucked her husband's brother at a party. See, your fantasy is doable.

Tell me. Why have you not done it?'

His reply kept me smiling, while my body is burning. Confused whether to think of him as I felt the arousal or give in to a pornographic material. It is too early to even think of David as I play with myself. Yet too meaningless already to even look at sexy materials.

Trying to fight to the urge of my arousal, I listened to music that is fitting in the moment.

I didn't know which part of my body was aroused to even begin with. My mind was awake. My heart was beating. My genital was throbbed. I felt alive, but trying my best not to giving in just yet. Not yet. Not getting wet for David yet. I still need to time to become vulnerable for him.

'Tell me more about your fantasies as I am sure you have others, and explain to me the history behind it.'

And my autumn had just become more interesting.