The Deep End

Not Anywhere

The days after that night felt different, like a veil had been lifted, and for the first time, Leehan could breathe without feeling like he was choking on his own thoughts. Taesan had been careful, giving him the space he needed, but the lingering warmth in their interactions, the steady calm of his presence, never let Leehan forget that something had shifted between them.

The school was quieter now, the usual tension between them replaced by an unspoken understanding. The teasing had turned into playful banter, the sarcastic remarks now softened by moments of real connection. Leehan found himself looking forward to the times they worked late together, when the world outside seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of them.

But despite all the progress, there were moments when the fear would creep in—the fear of giving in too much, too fast. Leehan couldn't help but feel like he was walking a fine line, and every time Taesan's eyes lingered just a little too long or his touch seemed just a little too intimate, the walls he'd built up started to tremble.

One evening, after another long day of studying, Leehan found himself in the lab, staring at his phone. He'd received a message from his friends asking if he was free to hang out, but he couldn't bring himself to respond. Not when Taesan had just texted him, asking if he wanted to grab dinner. The question seemed simple enough, but it felt like a line had been drawn, and crossing it would mean acknowledging something he wasn't ready to face.

Before he could overthink it too much, the door to the lab opened, and Taesan walked in, a grin on his face as he saw Leehan sitting by the table.

"Hey, love," Taesan greeted, his voice warm and casual. He didn't seem to notice the way Leehan stiffened at the nickname, or maybe he didn't care. The familiarity had become second nature between them now.

Leehan forced a smile, his gaze flickering briefly to the phone in his hand. "I'm just... thinking."

Taesan raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Thinking about what?"

Leehan shrugged, trying to act nonchalant, though his mind was racing. "I've got friends asking me to hang out, but... I don't know."

Taesan's grin widened, and he took a step closer, his tone teasing. "What's wrong with hanging out with me instead?"

Leehan felt his heart skip a beat, and he immediately regretted the words that slipped from his mouth. "You're just going to keep calling me 'love,' aren't you?"

The teasing in Taesan's expression faltered for a brief moment, and something soft and almost vulnerable flickered in his eyes. "If that's bothering you... I can stop. Just say the word."

Leehan blinked, taken aback by the sincerity in Taesan's voice. He'd expected the usual smirk, the playful teasing that had always been there, but instead, there was just quiet understanding.

"I didn't mean it like that," Leehan muttered, his voice softer now. "It's just... hard to keep up with all of this."

He gestured between them, trying to explain the confusion that had been building in his chest. "You make it look so easy, and I'm still trying to figure out what it all means."

Taesan's gaze softened, and he stepped closer, his presence steady and calming. "You don't have to figure it all out right now. I'm not going anywhere, Leehan. But you have to know, I'm not just doing this for fun. I'm here because I want you."

Leehan's breath hitched, his chest tightening with an unfamiliar weight. He didn't know how to respond, didn't know how to process the raw honesty in Taesan's voice.

"I don't know how to handle this," Leehan confessed, his words tumbling out before he could stop them. "I've spent so long hating you... I can't just turn that off."

Taesan nodded, his expression serious. "I know. I get it. I've done things that deserve your hate, but I'm not asking you to forget that. I'm asking for a chance. Just a chance to show you that I can be someone worth trusting."

For a long moment, neither of them spoke, the silence between them heavy with the weight of unspoken truths. Leehan's thoughts swirled, but amidst the confusion, one thing remained clear: Taesan wasn't giving up. And, for reasons Leehan couldn't fully understand, neither was he.

Taesan reached out, gently resting a hand on Leehan's shoulder, grounding him. "You don't have to be afraid, you know."

Leehan looked up at him, the words hanging between them, a fragile thread that connected them in ways he couldn't explain. "I'm not afraid of you," he murmured, though the words felt hollow. He wasn't sure if he was lying to Taesan, or to himself.

"You're afraid of what we could be," Taesan said softly, his eyes searching Leehan's face. "You're afraid of what it might cost you."

Leehan opened his mouth to argue, but the words caught in his throat. Was that really it? Was he afraid of losing control, of letting go of the anger he'd clung to for so long?

"I don't want to hurt you," Leehan finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Taesan's thumb brushed lightly across his shoulder, the touch warm and steady. "You won't. Not unless you push me away. And I'm not going anywhere."

Leehan swallowed, his heart racing. The distance between them had all but disappeared, and he felt like he was on the edge of something dangerous, something that could break him if he wasn't careful.

And yet, in that moment, all he wanted was to lean in, to give in to the pull between them. But the fear still lingered, gnawing at him, reminding him of everything he had to lose.

"I don't know if I can do this," he said, his voice a fragile whisper.

Taesan's eyes softened, his smile tender. "You don't have to do anything, Leehan. You don't have to be perfect. Just be with me. That's all I'm asking."

Leehan didn't know if he was ready, didn't know if he could make this leap. But for the first time in his life, he didn't feel alone.