The Deep End

Unwavering Past

The evening air was cool as Taesan and Leehan walked out of the school building together. It had been a long day, full of quiet moments and unsaid words, but somehow, it felt like they were moving closer with every step, even if neither of them could yet define what "closer" truly meant.

Taesan was unusually quiet, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. Leehan had been trying to focus on the quiet hum of the city around them, but every now and then, his gaze flicked toward Taesan, who seemed to be lost in thought.

It wasn't until they reached the edge of the sidewalk that Taesan finally spoke, his voice low, yet undeniably focused. "You know... we've been walking this line for a while now."

Leehan tensed, his mind immediately racing to keep up with Taesan's words. "What do you mean?"

"Between where we are and where we could be," Taesan clarified, his voice almost absent, like he was thinking out loud. "I know we've had our moments—moments where it felt like you might let me in, or I might actually be able to get through to you. But I also know you're holding back. And I can't lie... it's frustrating."

Leehan felt his heart tighten, a twinge of guilt slipping into his chest. "I told you, I don't know what this is. I've spent so long avoiding—well, avoiding everything about you."

"I know you have," Taesan said quietly. His gaze shifted to the ground for a moment, and when he looked up again, his eyes were searching Leehan's face with an intensity that made his chest tighten. "But I've also given you all the space you need. I didn't push you. I haven't made you do anything you weren't ready for. I just... want to know when you'll stop hiding."

Leehan stopped walking, his feet frozen to the pavement. The words felt like a physical blow, like a challenge he hadn't been prepared for. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out at first. Finally, after a long pause, he spoke.

"I'm scared, Taesan. I'm scared of what happens if I let you in. I've spent so long building walls around myself... I don't even know who I am without them." His voice faltered toward the end, and he cursed himself for sounding so vulnerable, so weak.

Taesan was silent for a long moment, his gaze never leaving Leehan's face. Then, without warning, he stepped forward, closing the space between them until they were standing face to face. Leehan's breath caught, his pulse quickening.

"You don't have to be perfect, Leehan," Taesan murmured, his voice soft but insistent. "You don't have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to take a chance. I'm not asking you to change overnight. I'm asking you to trust me."

Leehan's heart was pounding in his chest, and for the first time in days, he didn't feel the need to pull away. He didn't want to pull away. Instead, he felt something new building inside him—something raw, something real.

"I don't know how to trust you," Leehan admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Taesan's lips quirked into a small, knowing smile. "Trust is a two-way street. It's not just about you trusting me. It's about me trusting you too."

Leehan shook his head, frustration building inside him. "I'm not ready to let anyone in. Not like that."

"And I'm not asking you to be," Taesan said. He reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair from Leehan's forehead, his touch soft and unexpectedly tender. "I'm asking you to stop pushing me away. To stop pushing us away. One step at a time, Leehan."

Leehan wanted to say something, to argue or push back, but his words failed him. Instead, he just stood there, staring into Taesan's eyes. For the first time, he wasn't afraid of what he saw there.

But there was still a hesitation, something deep inside him holding him back, afraid of getting too close, of becoming vulnerable. His past, all the pain and the anger he'd buried, seemed to weigh on him like a heavy anchor.

"You've been patient with me," Leehan said, his voice quiet, but it carried an unspoken admission. "More than I deserve."

Taesan's expression softened, and he stepped closer, his presence overwhelming, yet comforting. "You deserve more than you think."

Leehan felt the urge to pull away, to retreat back into his safe space, but there was something different this time. The fear, while still there, was no longer as paralyzing. For the first time in a long time, he didn't feel like he was drowning in it.

"Maybe I need more time," Leehan said, his voice a little steadier than before. "But... I'll try. To trust you. Just a little."

Taesan smiled, his eyes warm and understanding. "That's all I'm asking for."

They stood there for a few more moments, the weight of their words hanging in the air between them. The city buzzed around them, oblivious to the silent shift taking place.

Leehan couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so conflicted, so uncertain of what came next. But the fear wasn't as sharp as before. In some small, inexplicable way, Taesan had chipped away at it, leaving behind something softer, something tentative, but real.

As they finally began to walk again, side by side, Leehan couldn't help but feel that things were changing. Maybe they wouldn't change overnight, but for the first time in a long time, Leehan felt like he was moving in the right direction.

Not backward, not into the past where everything had hurt, but forward—toward something new. Something he couldn't quite name yet, but something he was willing to explore.

And that, for now, was enough.