The Deep End

Still afraid

The day started like any other, with Leehan's usual routine of homework,studies, and the occasional exchange of words with Taesan that was now becoming more meaningful—more difficult to ignore. Since that kiss, the line between them had blurred. They weren't just classmates or enemies anymore. They were something... different. Something Leehan wasn't sure he was ready for but couldn't walk away from either.

Leehan was in his thoughts not paying attention to his surrounding,  his mind  elsewhere. His thoughts kept drifting back to the kiss—how it had felt when Taesan's lips met his. It wasn't just physical. There was something deeper to it, something that made Leehan's pulse quicken every time he thought about it. And yet, even though his heart yearned for more, a part of him—the part that was terrified of getting too close—wanted to push it all away.

"I'm not sure if I'm cut out for this," Leehan muttered to himself, staring at the document in front of him but not really seeing it. The memories of his past, of his fears, swirled in his mind like a storm. He had never let anyone get this close before. He had never allowed himself to feel this vulnerable.

The sound of footsteps echoed down the hallway, and Leehan snapped back to reality. He knew who it was before they even entered the office. The heavy presence, the confident stride—Taesan.

Leehan didn't even look up as Taesan entered the room, his footsteps light but purposeful.

"You're quiet today," Taesan remarked, his voice casual as he leaned against the doorframe. "Thinking about me?"

Leehan could feel the teasing tone in Taesan's words, but it didn't do anything to quell the knot that had formed in his stomach. He forced a smile, trying to play it off. "Something like that."

"Something like that, huh?" Taesan's voice softened, and Leehan finally looked up at him. There was something different in his eyes today—something deeper, more intense. "What's on your mind, love? You've been distant."

Leehan opened his mouth to respond, but before he could get the words out, his phone rang, interrupting the moment. He quickly glanced at the screen, seeing that it was a call from his friends.

"I've got to take this," Leehan said, standing up quickly. His heart raced as he walked away from Taesan, the conversation about to slip out of his grasp. As he answered the call, his friends' voices filled his ear, but he couldn't focus. The weight of Taesan's gaze, the unspoken tension between them, lingered in the air like a thick fog.

"Leehan?" his friend Sungho's voice pulled him back to the conversation. "We're meeting in an hour, don't forget."

"Right," Leehan muttered, trying to steady his breath. He had to focus on something else, anything else, to clear his head. "I'll be there."

Once he hung up, Leehan realized that Taesan was still standing in the doorway, watching him with that same unreadable expression. It made his pulse race, made him question everything.

"Do you ever stop looking at me like that?" Leehan asked, his tone a little sharper than he intended. He wanted to push him away, but Taesan just stood there, unphased.

"I'm not going anywhere," Taesan replied, his voice low, almost a promise.

Leehan wanted to argue, to say that he needed space, but a part of him didn't want to. A part of him was drawn to the intensity of Taesan's presence, to the pull between them. It was suffocating and liberating all at once.

Without another word, Taesan turned and left the room, and Leehan let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Later that evening, Leehan was at the dinner with his friends, but his mind was miles away. He couldn't stop thinking about the conversation with Taesan, about the pressure that was slowly building in his chest, about the growing feeling of being pulled in two directions. He had spent so much of his life keeping his distance, staying guarded. But Taesan was different. Taesan made it impossible to stay detached.

Leehan excused himself from the table, telling his friends he needed a moment to breathe. Stepping outside, he found a quiet corner to collect his thoughts. The cool night air helped clear his head for a moment, but the fear still lingered. He knew he couldn't keep denying what was happening between him and Taesan. It wasn't just a fleeting attraction—it was something deeper, something that he wasn't sure how to handle.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out, seeing that it was a message from Taesan.

"Where'd you go, love? Missing you already."

Leehan stared at the message, his heart pounding. He could feel the weight of Taesan's words in his chest, the pull between them, the challenge that was building. He didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to respond.

Before he could reply, a second message came through, this one more direct.

"You can't keep running from me forever, Leehan."

Leehan's hands trembled slightly as he typed a response, his thoughts rushing.

"I'm not running. I'm just... scared."

He sent the message before he could think better of it, before the fear could hold him back. The response came almost immediately.

"Scared of what, love? Of me?"

Leehan felt a lump form in his throat. He was scared of so many things—of giving in to his feelings, of letting himself trust Taesan, of being hurt again. But more than anything, he was scared of the power that Taesan had over him, the way his presence seemed to drown out everything else, the way he made Leehan feel like he was losing control.

"I don't know if I can do this." Leehan's fingers hovered over the screen, but he didn't know how to finish. How could he explain the whirlwind of emotions that Taesan had stirred up in him?

The phone buzzed again, and Leehan's heart skipped a beat when he saw the reply.

"You don't have to know. You just have to trust me."

Leehan closed his eyes, the weight of Taesan's words pressing down on him. For a moment, everything seemed to stop. He felt like he was standing at the edge of a cliff, staring down into the unknown, unsure of whether to jump or walk away.

But then something inside him shifted—something that told him it was okay to let go, to stop being afraid of what could happen. Because the truth was, he didn't want to walk away. He didn't want to keep running.

He typed one last message.

"I trust you."

The moment he sent it, a wave of relief washed over him. It wasn't a promise of forever. It wasn't an admission of love. But it was a step—a step toward letting go of the fear, toward embracing whatever it was that was happening between them.

And just as he pressed send, a familiar voice rang out from behind him.

"Leehan."

Leehan turned around to see Taesan standing there, a serious expression on his face. The distance between them seemed to disappear with every step Taesan took toward him, until they were standing face to face.

"You're not alone in this," Taesan said quietly, his gaze intense but soft, like a promise.

Leehan felt his heart race as Taesan reached out, taking his hand in his. The warmth of Taesan's touch grounded him, pulling him out of his thoughts and back into the moment.

"I'm here, Leehan," Taesan whispered, his voice low, but full of conviction. "And I'm not going anywhere."

Leehan felt a lump form in his throat as he looked up at Taesan, the fear and uncertainty slowly melting away. For the first time, he felt like maybe, just maybe, he could let go. And in that moment, he knew he wasn't drowning anymore.

He was just falling.