Sliver of my heart

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jaylynn's pov

4 Years ago

I woke up and looked at the clock, surprised I slept through the night without any nightmares. I looked around at my room and smiled for the first time. It was home, and it was time I started to make it feel more like home. I needed to get some stuff to make it feel more like mine. It was time to think like a survivor, not a victim. I was free and alive, so I needed to live my life.

I got on my phone and was shocked by all the notifications. I was a little scared to look but did it anyway. I got all positive feedback. So, I decided to put myself out there and make a video about not getting a crush and see what happens. It could turn out very badly or it could skyrocket my self-esteem. If it goes wrong, then I just delete the app and go on with my life.

Five minutes after I posted that video, I got a message from someone saying, "Don't be so sure about that." I smiled but didn't reply because I didn't know what to say. I did send the person a follow request because why not? I got off my phone and decided to go for a walk because it was a beautiful day. This was something I hadn't done in a long time because I had always lived in fear.

'I walked for hours just enjoying the beautiful day but when I got home, I broke down crying and got into a dark space again thinking of how much of my life I had lost. I was so broken and lost. I felt as if my life wasn't mine anymore. He broke me and left me as a broken shell of the woman I once was. I don't see a way out of the darkness and that's what scared me.

I decided to go back on the app and send a message to "Mentalhealthawarness" which was the name of the person who had commented on my video. I needed people in my life, and I needed to put myself out there before my depression dragged me down even further, I liked this person's screen name so maybe they were who I needed.

"So, what made you say, don't be so sure of that on my video?" I sent them the message not sure if they were male or female, so I left it neutral and brief now the ball was in their court.

I was excited when I got a reply right back. It said, "Have you seen yourself in the mirror?" I didn't know what they meant by that, but I assumed it was a good thing. At least it made me smile. I replied saying, "What's that supposed to mean? I'm Janis by the way. I'm from Iowa how about you?" I wanted to know more about this person because they made me laugh and smile.

"Hi, I'm Davis from Kentucky and I don't think you realize just how beautiful you are." He said making me smile and blush once more.

We had chatted for a little bit back and forth on the app, but it took forever so I gave him my screen name on my chatting app and hoped that he would add me. I was enjoying the conversation and wanted it to continue. It's been so long since I talked to someone and laughed, I didn't want that to stop. So, I was excited when he added me back and decided to send him a message instead of waiting for him to send one.

"Well hello Kentucky how is your day going?" I asked not knowing what else to say.

"Kentucky huh? Well, I am doing better now. Tell me more about yourself."

"Yeah, is that ok if I call you that and what would you like to know?"

"Tell me everything that makes you, you, and you can call me anything you want baby girl." My heart skipped a beat when he called me that.

"Well, I am kind of shy, I am single, I write poetry and books, and music is life. What about you?"

"Those boys in Iowa must be blind to not have you snatched up. I do some writing as well. I am single as well because love just isn't in the cards for me. I take care of my grandparents and with COVID don't get out much."

It hurt my soul to hear that he said love isn't in the cards for him because to me everyone is worthy of love. I didn't know what Kentucky looked like and that didn't matter to me at all. I felt this pull towards him and the connection. He seemed just as broken as I was, and it made me want to heal him and prove to him that he does deserve love.

"I hate feeling as if I am stuck because of everything being on lockdown it kind of makes me feel depressed. Sorry, I said that just don't have anyone to talk to."

"Well, you can talk to me about anything. I feel the same way myself. I don't go anywhere because I don't want to risk the health of my grandparents and don't have anyone to talk to either seems as if I have lost all my friends."

"Yeah, I guess you see who truly cares when something like this happens. Well, I am glad we met each other because now we can talk to each other."

"You are such a sweetheart I don't see why you are single, but I am so happy that I have met you as well. How has your day been going?" Kentucky asked me.

"I was with someone for a very long time but well he became a monster and hurt me badly. I left him and I haven't thought about putting myself out there again because I can't go through that again, so I guess I feel I am unworthy of love and have a hard time trusting anyone."

"I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. You are worthy of love and one day you will find that. If you ever need to talk about it, I am here. I know we may not know each other but I am great at listening and will never judge you."

Hearing this meant so much to me. I haven't had someone to talk to in so long and I felt I could open up to him. I just didn't want to do it over a text. I wanted to see if he wanted to talk on the phone together, but I was scared to ask him. I was scared to put myself out there and get rejected. I didn't know if I should even put myself out there. I started to overthink and didn't know what to do. Maybe this was all too soon.