Sliver of my heart

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Jaylynn's pov

4 years ago

I looked around at my new place and felt like I could breathe for the first time in years. I felt free and safe now that I was finally away from the abusive situation I had been in for far too long. It was scary starting over with nothing but at least I escaped with my life so there was the upside to everything.

I looked in the mirror and felt I had aged twenty years in the last few days. I was lost and broken and knew I would never let anyone in again. No one would hurt you if you pushed everyone away. I gave up on myself and living life because I thought that monster would be the end of me and now that I was free, I didn't know what to do with myself.

I didn't recognize myself anymore. I didn't like what I saw. I had bruises everywhere and dark circles under my eyes. I gave the wrong man the best years of my life and this was all I had to show for it. I have never felt so alone in my life until now. I lost everyone because I didn't just walk away when they wanted me to, but no one understood the fear I held within and how I just gave up on myself. I didn't care if I lived anymore because I didn't see a way out. Those people who wanted me to leave so badly didn't help and just walked away like everyone does, I guess.

I was sitting in my new place with very little and decided to check out this new app that I kept seeing because I was bored. I wasn't going on there looking for anyone. I wasn't brave enough to get on there and make any videos because no one wanted to see me anyway. So, I was just going to see what it was about and delete it later, most likely.

I laid down with my phone scrolling through videos trying to fall asleep, but I was scared too because I knew the nightmares would start. It was my first night alone and in a new place. I still didn't feel safe yet like at any moment all this could go away and I would be back in what I called prison with a monster whose sole purpose in life was to destroy me.

I could always call my family and maybe talk to them, but it seemed as if I was just a burden on them and the so-called friends I had in my life, so I just shut myself off and held everything, shutting myself off from the rest of the world. This wasn't that hard to do since we were in a pandemic and the world seemed closed.

Maybe meeting people online and becoming friends was the best thing for me. After all, they didn't need to know about my past and the hell I had just endured. I could be anyone and with them being half a world away it was easier to keep up my walls for protection. Maybe a few friends were just what I needed to start feeling somewhat like myself again.

I put my pic up on this app and that's as far as I was willing to go for now. I watched others up there dancing and singing looking so confident and was jealous of them. They seemed to have it all figured out. They had family, friends, and so much confidence. I fear I have lost all of that for good.

I posted a video with a song and a few pictures of me then put my phone away because all it was doing was getting me down. I was sure all anyone was going to do was put me down. I should have gotten used to that thanks to my ex, but I wasn't. I just shut my phone off so I wouldn't be able to look at all the hate I would soon get. I posted a video about domestic abuse and how I was a survivor trying to reach out to others. It made me feel empowered. With that in mind, I laid down trying to rest.