When We Fell In Love

Chapter 23: Everything's Fine

The fact that his massive crush on Remus had gone unnoticed to him for so long was one of Sirius' great mysteries. In recent weeks, he had become practically an extension of Remus' body, and he did not mind one bit. He could not stay away from him, like a magnet inevitably drawn to his Moony.

He was beginning to understand why the countless girls he had charmed had never stirred anything more than a smug curiosity, without real feelings. His new monogamy – which to the rest of the student body seemed less like monogamy and more like a vow of celibacy and a self-imposed distance from girls – was not so hard to follow. He was completely smitten by his Moony — his lips, his scars, his sharp retorts, his charisma. He was a ruined man, and it was all Remus' fault.

"You know, Moony, because of you, I'm a wrecked man forever," Sirius told him one day.

"Oh really?" Remus said, raising a single eyebrow.

"You've got me entirely in your grasp, and honestly, I don't mind one bit."

Remus' lips sent jolts of electricity through his entire body each time, and for the first time in his life, Sirius understood what it meant to have butterflies in his stomach.

When Remus asked him to spend the Easter break at his house, Sirius did not immediately understand what it meant, until James explained that Remus wanted to officially introduce him to his parents — for now as a friend — hoping that, one day, he might be able to confess the truth to them. His first instinct was to pull back, to flee and return to the safety of his previous life. But just the thought of being away from Remus, of not feeling his lips on his, of not hearing his voice whispering indecent things, made Sirius feel like he was dying inside, and he realised he might for once stay and face this serious step head-on.

Lyall and Hope were fantastic, welcoming Sirius as one of their own. Sirius felt almost as loved as he did at the Potters' house, and he was so grateful to have such a strong support system. He still had not figured out how to avoid going back to Grimmauld Place in June; while he had successfully escaped during the holidays, he could not do so for those long summer months without sparking Orion's destructive fury.

By now, Sirius was used to sleeping alongside Remus, and not even his parents' presence in the house stopped them from spending every night wrapped around each other. Euphemia had sent several letters to reassure them that James was fine, though he was licking his wounds. As much as Sirius loved James and would do anything for his best friend, he was glad to have a break from the babysitting he had been doing in recent times.

The thing he had feared most had happened: Regulus had messed things up with James, hurting him as no one else had ever managed to do. If only he could, Sirius would have strangled his brother, and the only thought holding him back was the punishment his mother would inflict to him if she found out. He craved the moment he could take revenge for the pain caused to his best friend, his brother from another mother.

A small part of Sirius was, however, still worried to death about Regulus, who had returned to Grimmauld Place with his head held high, trying in every way to please their parents. He shared his concern with Remus, who reassured him that Regulus was a clever boy who likely knew how to handle Walburga and Orion's presence and behaviour, likely much better than Sirius did, but a nagging feeling that something terrible was about to happen refused to leave him.

At King's Cross, returning to Hogwarts, Sirius saw neither James, nor Regulus, nor his parents, from whom he had once again run away. He scanned the platform over and over until Remus dragged him onto the train at the last second before departure.

"Moony, Wormtail, have you seen James?" he asked anxiously.

"Hm, no, not yet. He'll be somewhere on the train, don't worry," Peter said, dragging his feet along the corridor in search of an empty compartment.