All the lies // D.M.

12 - Desire and Denial

Cathleen Avery

The moment I opened my eyes on Saturday morning, my mind went straight into denial. Maybe it was all a dream, a messy, blurry figment of my imagination but Valerie's knowing looks and Theo's teasing grin confirmed it—everything had happened. The only good thing? The most stupid choice I made that night had slipped under everyone's radar, no one knew that I'd kissed him again.

Sober me was trying to manage the damage, choosing to avoid both Holden—hoping that everyone had been too drunk to notice anything crucial—and, of course, the blonde devil himself. I kissed him again. Like once wasn't bad enough. No Cathleen stupid drunk Avery practically threw herself at him. The humiliation clawed at my stomach.

At breakfast, I pushed the baked beans around on my plate, barely tasting a thing.

"Hangover?" Blaise's voice broke through my thoughts.

"I think I'm getting sick," I mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

"Or maybe just drink less next time," he teased, smirking.

"Ha. Ha," I replied dryly and my head was pounding. "I'm not used to this much alcohol anymore."

"What is a good thing," Valerie added, probably wanting to make me feel better.

Without a word, Blaise pulled out a small vial and poured a light blue liquid into my cup of orange juice. "I love you," I said gratefully, downing the entire drink in one go feeling the effect of the sobering potion wash over me instantly — exactly what I needed. My stash was empty—or more accurately, I'd gotten rid of them in some grand gesture of "new me" reform. Yes, the irony wasn't lost on me.

"It was great to have you back," Theo grinned, throwing an arm over my shoulder and planting a kiss on my temple. Valerie narrowed her eyes, shooting daggers at him, probably completely disagreeing with him.

I smiled, relieved that I could finally eat without feeling queasy, leaning into Theo's embrace finally feeling some sense of normal. Well, almost since I wasn't able to shake the memory of Draco's hands on me, roaming my body, his lips trailing down my neck, and how much I wanted it, wanted more... maybe still do.

"Where's Draco?" Pansy asked as if she knew I was just thinking about him.

Theo shrugged. "I think he was already in bed when I got back... Though I'm not a reliable source after all that tequila." He chuckled. "In the morning, he was already gone."

And he stayed vanished for the whole weekend. The first time I saw him again was in class on Monday. We had Potions together, but he didn't say a word. Neither did I, I was too embarrassed to even look at him, and he seemed determined to avoid me anyway—or maybe he was avoiding all of us. Meals? Skipped. Conversations? Non-existent. He was gone, but I knew he couldn't avoid dinner forever. He'd get in trouble at one point.

So, maybe I sat across from him on purpose, maybe it was pure coincidence—I wasn't sure. My subconscious was too good at denial.

My foot bumped into his when I stretched my leg, and the moment our eyes met, my breath caught in my throat. The memory of his his body pressed against me immediately flashed into my mind and despite my desperate wish for this tension to disappear, to avoid him, the kiss had only made things worse, pulling me towards him more and more. The tension between us was unbearable, an electric current humming under my skin every time I looked at him.

I scanned his face for some kind of reaction and caught the subtle twitch of his jaw. It made something inside me tighten. And then I remembered where we were, forcing myself to look away, quickly, as heat crept up my neck. Holden was probably watching every micro expression on my face but I didn't dare to check. I just prayed he hadn't seen.