Adam

repression

I was left alone in my car with nothing but silence. Silence being not peaceful but confusing and irritating because it makes me lost on my thoughts. And those thoughts are always about you and it makes me miss you even more.

You know, this silence could be the sound of your cheerful laugh as we laugh away our problems. Our cheeks ache from grinning too much and our stomachs hurt from laughing too much. I cannot say you bore me for I always have fun and I am happy when I am with you and only you.

It could be the sound of our voices blending with each other as we sang our favorite songs. Oh, how our voices blend perfectly with each other. How the music flows best with your fingers playing with the keys and mine with the strings. How your voice soothe me and make me calm even in worst times.

It could be the engine roaring as we take long night roadtrips from Los Angeles to San Francisco, with nothing but the sound from the radio on my dashboard and of course, my presence and yours. How we escape from reality, from those who do not accept our love and drive through the farms while we dream about having our own house on the country.

It could be the sound from the television as we watch movies with popcorn shoved in our mouths while we cuddle, talking about our future family, not really paying attention to the moving pictures. I remember how you wanted many kids for you know what it feels like to be an only child.

And when you can't take your eyes off to the screen when you are hooked, I just stare at you, mesmerized by your beauty. When you cry at a certain scene, I wipe the tears off your cheeks and you bury your face on my chest, murmuring and uttering the reason why you cried, even though you know it makes no sense to me.

Or it could be the sound of your light and soft snore as you sleep peacefully after we watch, without any trace of worries, in my arms while I play with your hair, pecking on your lips eventually, caressing your cheeks and staring at your perfect and flawless face because I can't sleep for I am the one worrying about our situation, knowing that you won't be in my arms forever.

There's no one else I would want to laugh and talk with but you, sing and play with but you, have roadtrips with but you, watch movies and cuddle with but you. There's no one else I would want to spend the rest of my life with but you.

I want to come to you to make more memories together but that won't make sense for I will just be so close yet so far. I can see you yet I can't reach you.

You know, I hate this barrier that sets us apart. This tall, wide, and tough barrier. If only I can break it, if only I am strong enough, we will be living happily ever after right now. I will if I can and I know you know I can't. I have the courage to break it but I do not have the strength.

I tried climbing it my love, but the waters make me slip. The waters that are thrown to me, a filthy peasant by the upperclassmen or your friends as they proclaim. And as you can already say, I can't fight them too for they and you are on top and I, on the other hand, am at the bottom. I also tried walking around it but it seems like its width is infinite, just like our problems. Therefore, I have no chance on winning and reaching you.

It hurts to say but you, my lady, are out of my league.

But I'm still willing to run around it forever if I know that the finish line is you. Even though the barrier is endless, I haven't yet and will never lose hope, my love. Because my hard work will be worth it as soon as I get you.