Adam

grief

It hurts hearing you say that, you know. It hurts more than the punishments I've suffered through the whip of your father. It hurts more than the insults given to me by the upperclassmen. It hurts more than the fists of your friends colliding with my body. It hurts more than anything in the world.

You are killing me with those words. It's like a thousand knives stabbing me all at once. I can bear all the pain given to me by everyone who hates seeing us together. I can bear the problems I face almost everyday. But your words, I don't think I can.

And as time passes by, the wounds they have put on me don't heal and just get worse. They just get bigger and bigger. Maybe at some point of time I won't notice it, but I'll suddenly slowly die.

But I keep telling to myself that you are just lying. You don't really mean what you said. You are just afraid. You just want to stop them hurting me. And somehow it works. It temporarily heals my wounds. Although I'm afraid it will turn into scars someday, I know they won't be permanent because your love is powerful enough to take them all away.

So please, please. Stay strong, my love. For us. For our future. For what ever may come. Keep fighting and don't ever let them bring you down. As long as we're together, nothing and no one will ever get in our way. They can never keep us apart. Our love is unbreakable, unstoppable.

Do you still remember that song we wrote? And when we told to each other to never let go whatever the circumstances are? And if ever we are put in that situation, we will just listen and sing to it over and over again so neither of us will ever give up. I'm still listening to it right now, singing along with it and strumming with all my heart. What about you, my love? Do you still sing it? Do you even just listen to it?

Do you even still remember our love?

Maybe I'm just being a fool right now. Maybe it's true. Maybe I'm just lying to myself. And I just can't accept the fact that you spat out those words out of your mouth like it doesn't mean anything to you, like we never had something going on.

Now that I think about it, maybe you just used me to have your temporary freedom and happiness. I was just nothing but a toy that you can be your entertainment anytime, and when you're tired of me, you will just throw me away like I am a thing, a disposable toy.

What am I thinking? I know you won't do that to me. Now I hate myself for even doubting even the slightest bit. So I refuse. I won't let these things sink in me because I love you. And I trust in you, my love.

I am still trying so hard to hold on to this hopeless rope, thinking it might have a chance. Even the tiniest bit of chance, I'll take it. That's how much I love you and sacrifice for you. I always swore to you I'd never fall apart.

Yet that rope was ruthlessly cut by little yet very powerful words that I never expected would come from you.

"I don't love you anymore."