Fragments of Us: A WinterWidow Short Story

Chapter Three

Training the younger agents was draining, even on the best of days. Today had been far from even a good day. She could usually find satisfaction in pushing the recruit's limits, testing their nerves and refluxes. Gauging who really had potential to stay and grow within the ranks. But today had felt like wrestling shadows. They lacked any form of conviction, afraid to move, afraid to act. Hesitation in every one of their eyes, quivering in movements. Where had S.H.I.E.L.D. got these kids? Surely they were meant to be on the tech team? Or medics? There was not way they could possibly make it into the field with out years of intensive work from both the recruits and whoever got stuck training them.

Most of them looked like they had never held a gun in their lives, let alone shot one. They stared at them like an ancient artifact that they couldn't believe they were seeing up close. Those looks had told her it would be better to hold out on the shooting range for a few days. So they had stuck with hand to hand combat for the time being.

One in particular, red-faced and glistening with sweat, had dodged her and almost made her proud. Until he tripped, and landed on another agent - shattering her wrist. Uneasy glances had exchanged between the rest of the trainees and the girl whimpered in pain. Natasha had stepped in to examine it and see how bad it was. Just as she did the red face agent had felt it the perfect time to allow his lunch to come back up. All over her boots and the bottom half of her suit.

By the time Nat endured two back-to-back meetings reeking of sweat and bile she could hardly wait to remove it. The suit had come off at S.H.I.E.L.D., left to the laundry team to clean while she slipped into a pair of sweats and a hoodie that she found in the lost and found. Of course she had forgotten a change of clothes today of all days. But she had managed to stay composed through her meetings even if her mind was on autopilot, anxiously awaiting the chance to get home.

The very first thing she had done upon getting home was turn on the shower, allowing it to steam up her bathroom before she slipped into the hot water. She relaxed under it, letting it wash away the filth and grime of the day. Her tensions melting along with them. She stayed until the scalding water turned her skin pink and she felt that she had scrubbed enough times with soap to remove any trace of evidence from the day. Though the memories would stick around for a while. Surprisingly it was the first time she could recall having a trainee throw up on her. Barton had done it before though. And that was something she couldn't ever let him live down.

When she finally stepped out, cool air greeted her warm skin. She grabbed a plush towel wrapping it snuggly around herself before swiping a hand across to fogged mirror to catch her reflection. Her eyes were tired, shadowed with the weight of sleepless nights and buried thoughts. She hadn't slept well since returning from the hospital. The bed felt wrong, too big for her. Too cold and empty. Countless times she had rolled over to place her hand in the empty space and been surprised she hadn't landed on skin. Perhaps she was just that lonely that she was dreaming of men in her bed. But it felt deeper.

She rubbed the moisture from her hair and let her mind wander as water dropped into the sink. She wasn't sure why, but after stepping out of the shower she half expected to see someone laying in the neatly made bed. It was a fleeting thought, the wisp of a memory she couldn't quite grasp. It left a strange warmth in its wake, unlike what she would expect. She didn't feel the need to get defensive. She felt safer but then the memory was gone.

The chirp of her phone broke her attention, she reached for it eyes catching the time. She had just over an hour left before she was meant to meet Matt. She hadn't wanted to agree to go. But Matt's voice was insistent, gentle but firm. Just a friendly check-in, wanted to make sure she was okay after her last hospital visit. They had been a couple a lifetime ago, but work and fate intervened proving they were not meant to be. He had moved on and found happiness with Karen, but their bond of friendship remained.