Areston thinks he can shield me from his past, but what he doesn't realize is I'm already part of it.
The darkness that haunts him? It's the same one that's been chasing me for years.
I've given him everything-my body, my heart, my soul-and still...
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trigger warning: Disturbing dubious consent/CNC/forced scene ahead. You might feel heavily drained by the end of it.
note: I was too disturbed during and after writing it. I am so glad I had my forever support @Behindgreeneye for pulling me out of it and reviewing it for me. Often, I am in an extremely dark mental space when I am writing, and I tend to push my boundaries, which is the case with Ares's, too. I am glad I have her around to guide me with her raw feedback on chapters like this one when it's too much. I am hoping I can bank on y'all as well to help me with your raw feedback, as you always do more and more on this chapter. It's the most crucial sequence of the book, and you'll see why.
PS: It's about 10,000 words, but bear with me. I hate writing long chapters. Couldn't avoid this one.
I should've never ignored the premonitions.
All those nagging feelings I'd been swamped with before leaving for dinner, the nauseating gut instincts, that sinking feeling—they were all trying to forewarn me.
But I kept brushing them off—every single one of them.
Now, the weight of that ignorance is seeping into my bones.
I never thought there would ever come a time when there would be a distance between us—a distance that was never supposed to exist between us.
I was wrong.
It does now, and it's not something I can help... not even if I try to.
My mind, body, and heart have lost coordination.
I believed Areston and I were strong enough to sustain any storm. I thought he was the anchor that would always keep me from getting lost in the turbulence of the sea.
The painful realization that I've been severely deluded is making my heart ache and bleed.
I have always believed that my husband is the only person who understands me—all parts of me—the ones I hide from the public and even close ones, and the ones that I don't.
The crushing realization that he doesn't is spreading into my veins like a deadly poison, slowly sucking the life out of me.
I am just a thing he has been driven forever to possess, to own, to control, and the knowledge is tearing me apart since it occurred to me a while ago when he was fighting with Zayd.
No matter how much I prove to him, even if I die in the process, one thing is clear—my husband still doesn't trust me not to leave him again.
He never will.
He couldn't have made it clearer. That truth was radiating off him.
It always has, but I turned a blind eye until I was forced to confront it today. I should have faced it a long time ago instead of letting it hit me like a sledgehammer this evening.
