Imagine walking alone at dawn, the soft whispers of leaves and the distant melody of birds surrounding me. Their rhythm feels strangely familiar, almost as if nature itself is sending me messages from Him-Krishna. But today, something is different...
RECAP .... why this is so confusing and why I am feeling so nervous in the name of confession. How should I tell to him....that he is just like a dream to me....a best dream ....the dream from which I don't want to wake up.
Lost in thought, I was heading to the kitchen to help my mother with dinner, hoping this would be my chance to make things right with him tonight. I was planning how I could make him smile again tomorrow, remembering the fact that we'd soon be heading out together......just him and me....... The very thought made me blush out of sudden while working with my mummy in kitchen, and my mother noticed it, smiling at me curiously she asked me the reason....But..... I had to come up with a quick excuse, saying I'd just remembered a joke. How could I tell her that her daughter was weaving dreams of someone so dear in her mind.....?
When dinner was ready, I went to his room to call him, but he wasn't there. He'd already gone out with my grandfather. When I told my mother, she said he'd been invited for dinner at a neighbor's house. Disheartened, I ate my meal quietly, wondering if he was truly that upset with me.
After helping my mother clean up the kitchen, I went to my room. My mind was too restless with worry over Krishna.... So I was unable to fall asleep. So, I took out my phone and deleted all those messages that had led to this tension. I resolved to hand him my phone first thing tomorrow, hoping that would cool his anger. But would it be enough.... To see his smile again?
I wanted to tell him how I feel whenever I see him everytime..... Yess I also want to confess my heart to him, but how could I make it special? I only had a year with him, and I wanted it to be unforgettable-something he couldn't forget even if he tried..... Something that will bring smile on his cute face whenever he will try to remember..... I started searching Google and YouTube for unique ways to say "I love you" without actually saying it, but nothing seemed right. I didn't want anything too modern or bold that might make him uncomfortable, so I shifted to looking for ideas from his devotees. Then it struck me-I could just ask my friend, Chiku, who was also devoted to him as his lover.
Casually, I brought up the topic with her, asking for some subtle ways to confess. She suggested a poetic approach: on a moonless night, I should tell him how beautiful the moon looks, and when he points out that there is no moon, I'd say, "You are my moon....Why should I need any other moon to adore.... You are more beautiful then moon...." The message itself made me blush .... could I ever bring myself to say that to him? , Imagining this moment was making me giggle in the middle of night. Maybe not now, but someday, when the moment felt right I will definitely try this.
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Thinking about it, I drifted off to sleep with a smile.
I was Determined not to miss my chance tomorrow, So I set five alarms-3:00, 3:15, 3:30, 3:45, and 4:00 a.m. I had to be up before him. Strangely, I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and, no matter how hard I tried, after waking up I couldn't fall back asleep. I didn't want to go outside in the dark....As my parents will think I am doing crazy things will call me definatly pagal hogyi ladki (mad/mental girl) in their language, so I lay there on the bed, thinking about him, humming his bhajans softly to pass the time.
