Her:
Idiot.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Idiot.
What a fucking idiot.
Great way to push away someone who cares about you, Maya.
I'm not even mad at him, why the fuck am I being so mean? Of course he's been with other women, but that doesn't mean he's using me too. I ruined it again.
Every time someone tries to get close to me or shows me that they care I freak out and run away. I wish I knew why I do it. Oh god, Mika is gonna murder me.
I go to Nico's bedroom and close the door behind me, leaning my back on it and sliding down to the floor. I hug my knees tight to calm down my nervous system and I count to ten.
1, Don't cry, 2, 3, he hates you now, 4, 5, you're a fucking idiot, 6, 7, 8, you ruined it, 9, 10, useless.
This is not fucking working
Five things I can see, bed, dresser, lamp, curtains and window; four things I can touch, rug, knees, clothes and hair; three things I can hear, heartbeat, breathing and rain; two things I can smell, Nico and Nico, everything smells like Nico; one thing I can taste, regret.
Okay, okay, slightly working.
I get up and throw myself on the bed, wrapping my body with Nico's sheets. God, the fucking smell... it drives me crazy. I take a deep breath and let his scent fill my lungs, it's somewhat calming.
Fuck me, I think I like him.
~Hey besties, this one's super short because I want the next one to be longer (and better). Please don't hate Maya, she's just a girl 🎀.
See you soon <3
