Blades, Blood, and Memories (Part II)

Dimo

            (Warning: Parental Loss)
           I finished my meal that was prepared. To be completely honest, I was exhausted. We all were, we remained silent during the meal. I was sitting on the hard ground, watching the flames dance from the fire. Levi walked up behind me, sitting down on a crate that I was near. I could see his arm reach around, he had poured me a cup of tea. I offered the cup, and inhaled the aroma. I loved how this man prepared his tea, it was just perfect. I held the cup with both of my hands, I could hear Armin sniffling in the room. He was still uneasy after shooting the girl who was controlling the cart that held Eren and Historia. My back started to strain so I tried to sit up a bit, looking behind me. I saw Levi's knee, I wiggled myself on the concrete surface. Slowly leaned on his knee for the back support, Levi didn't object or move his leg. Armin and Jean started to have a conversation, Jean feeling bad that he didn't act on killing the woman.
           "I pulled the trigger so easily." Armin spoke softly, looking at his shaking hand. I heard Levi sigh softly behind me.
           "Armin, you've got blood on your hands now. You can't go back to who you were." Levi spoke to the terrified boy. He whimpered and Mikasa came rushing to defence.
           "Why would you say that?!" Mikasa shouted over to him. I agreed with Levi, taking a human life wasn't a easy job. I knew Levi killer people in the past...so have I.
            "Embrace the new you." Levi spoke again to Armin, the kid looked over at his Captain.
            "He's right Armin, this fight isn't going to get any easier." I chimed in my two cents. Armin's eyes drifted down to me, I was still leaning on Levi's knee.
            "You could have easily saved Jean, you did after all. None of us saw those last two lookouts." Armin replied to me quietly.
            "I still think you have a four leaf clover up your ass Mai." Connie told me, taking another bite. Jean remained silent, but I saw his hand twitch as he held his bowl.
            "It's not about luck Connie, it's survival. Mai and I have had to take lives before." Levi told me, I felt his arm rest on my shoulder holding on to his cup.
            "Armin, just think...if your hands were clean...Jean wouldn't be here right now." Levi pulled the chat back to Armin. Armin sighed, allowing more tears to fall from his face. I knew Armin, he really wasn't one to take action right away...he hated conflict. He really did have a different outlook on life itself.
             "Captain...I-" Armin started to speak.
            "Do you think it was easy for me to kill the people I did today Armin?" I finally added, glancing over at him. His head shot over to me as I rocked myself forward setting my cup on the ground, glancing over at him.
            "Mai..." Armin spoke my name, he seemed nervous at what I had to say.
            "I'm gonna answer this question for you. No it damn well wasn't. Taking a human life takes a toll on you if you let it bother you. I hate killing our own kind. But there is something you need to understand here. If you hadn't pulled the trigger, Jean wouldn't have needed to be saved by me. I wouldn't have made it in time! Jean would have been a bloody heap on the road. If I didn't act quickly to save Levi and Mikasa when the second lookout appeared, they would have been killed. Sometimes you need to look out for yourself and those you truly care about, regardless of the consequences. In the long run, this will haunt you for the rest of your life. But losing people you care about will kill you slowly inside. If I lost Levi...I don't know if I could live. Levi is the closest thing I have here to family. You need to treat your comrades like family, and if that means putting your life on the line...or taking another...so be it." I explained to the blonde. The group looked at me with shocked eyes at what I said. I felt Levi's arm twitch on my shoulder. I could feel his pulse on my bare shoulder.

(Levi's Point of View)

             Mai was absolutely right about what she had just explained to Armin. I felt my heart race faster when she explained to Armin, that if something happened to me...she would be lost. I really didn't think I would hear her say that, but I deeply cared about what she said. She has put her life on the line for me countless times, had I grown soft like Kenny told me in the bar? I recollected what he said to me.