Three cigarettes left

Amnesia

At the moment I'm starting to write this I have 3 cigarettes left in the box.

A few months ago I went out with a girl I liked and her friend. We were drunk and kept drinking in her friend's car. After years of wishing for her and secretly loving her, I was finally kissing her. It was all I had waited for two long years. I imagined it could have happened many different ways, but there I was, kissing her, and that's all that mattered. She said, "Why don't you trust yourself? You are so handsome," and proceeded to kiss me. It was so good and warm; no other kiss I had given in those two years tasted like that one. The right words, the right girl, the right feeling—I wasn't even nervous about it...

Guess what? That is the last thing I remember about that night and about her. One second I was licking her face, then everything went black, and the next second I woke up, about four hours later, in someone's backyard, covered in blood
and incredibly hurt all around my body. I was scared, I was drunk, I was ANGRY. With blood coming down my forehead, I started sending WhatsApp audios; I remember hearing my voice full of pain as I've never heard it before: "You left me," "I'm bleeding," "I hope you die," "I don't know where I am," "Fuck you and your friend," "I hope you die," "I hope you get..." blah blah blah. The alcohol was talking for me, my ancient reptilian brain. Curse after curse, I walked back to my bus station, crying and hitting some walls. I got a pretty serious cut on my hand because of that.

I waited and took the first morning bus that would take me home. While on the bus and reeking of alcohol, I deleted her from all social media, blocked her number, and deleted it. I was still drunk. The same day, just a couple of hours later, I came to my senses, and it came to me that I probably just got out of the car to pee and got lost or fell and knocked myself out (that is just a theory to comfort me; it could have been something worse). There was no reason to react like that other than the alcohol. Yes, they left me, but still, I would never treat someone like that (or maybe I would, and the alcohol was just showing who I really am). It really hurts me that I treated someone the way I did, and more than physically hurting her, I was emotionally hurt at that moment because I felt abandoned.

I wrote to her the same day and apologized for all the awful things I said. I've never heard from her again. Fair enough...

To this day, the last thing I remember is that sweet kiss. There is a world of infinite possibilities between that kiss and the moment I woke up. I'm so scared to know what happened and why I was covered in blood. The Apocalypse happened.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - "Time to go to work in the shit factory!"

There are two cigarettes left.