To: Gilbert.Reese@metropolismag.com; Sarah.Munroe@metropolismag.com; Mike.Peters@metropolismag.com; Dave.IT@metropolismag.com
From: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: x13: Operation Birthday Thing (EXPANDED)
Time: 7:22 AM
Team,
Forwarding the Danish situation. Need conspirators. See below for context.
Quick notes:
1. We have a ferret's conditional approval
2. Lars is our pastry guy
3. Gil thinks I need sleep (irrelevant)
4. We need to coordinate
-R
[Previous emails attached]
---
To: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
From: Sarah.Munroe@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: x14: Operation Birthday Thing (EXPANDED)
Time: 7:24 AM
Romeo, you do need sleep.
But I'm in. June got me those cinnamon things for my birthday last year. Time for payback.
Also, why is June.Mills@metropolismag.com in the CC line?
-Sarah
---
My heart stopped.
To: ALL
From: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
Subject: IGNORE PREVIOUS EMAIL
Time: 7:24 AM
WRONG THREAD IGNORE ALL PREVIOUS EMAILS THIS IS A TEST FROM IT
SYSTEM MALFUNCTION
PLEASE DELETE
---
To: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
From: Dave.IT@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: IGNORE PREVIOUS EMAIL
Time: 7:25 AM
Dude.
That makes it worse.
Also, don't blame IT.
We see everything.
Even your drafts folder.
Especially your drafts folder.
-Dave
---
To: ALL
From: Mike.Peters@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: IGNORE PREVIOUS EMAIL
Time: 7:26 AM
Wait, are we still doing the Danish thing? Because I have opinions about cardamom.
Also, Romeo, your caps lock is stuck.
-Mike
---
To: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
From: Gilbert.Reese@metropolismag.com
Subject: Private: You idiot
Time: 7:26 AM
How?
HOW?
The ONE person we specifically said not to include.
Remember when I said go to sleep?
This is why.
-G
---
I stared at my screen, watching in horror as Outlook's "Sending" animation played in slow motion. Each pixel felt like a nail in my professional coffin.
To: Gilbert.Reese@metropolismag.com
From: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: Private: You idiot
Time: 7:27 AM
The J in the email field auto-completed.
I thought it was Jenny from Graphics.
WHO PUTS AUTO-COMPLETE ON EMAIL SYSTEMS?
Is it too late to move to Denmark?
-R
---
To: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
From: Gilbert.Reese@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: Private: You idiot
Time: 7:28 AM
Yes.
Magnus wouldn't have you anyway.
-G
---
To: ALL
From: Sarah.Munroe@metropolismag.com
Subject: Birthday Planning Committee
Time: 7:29 AM
Since we're all here (hi June!), might as well make it official.
Romeo's buying Danish pastries from a place with a judgmental ferret.
I'm handling decorations.
Mike has cardamom opinions.
Dave's watching Romeo's drafts folder.
Gil's being Gil.
June, pretend to be surprised?
-Sarah
---
To: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
From: June.Mills@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: Birthday Planning Committee
Time: 7:30 AM
Romeo,
A ferret named Magnus is judging your pastry choices?
Is this connected to the journal entries about my "cardamom appreciation face"?
Also, I'm free for coffee if you want to explain why you're showing my picture to small mammals.
-June
P.S. I still have that spreadsheet you accidentally shared last month. The one with pastry preferences? Your pie charts need work.
---
My forehead hit the keyboard. The resulting email to Gilbert consisted entirely of the letter 'n' repeated 47 times.
To: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
From: Gilbert.Reese@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Time: 7:32 AM
1. Breathe
2. She mentioned coffee
3. She's read your spreadsheets
4. She knows about Magnus
5. Could be worse
-G
---
To: Gilbert.Reese@metropolismag.com
From: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: Could be worse
Time: 7:33 AM
HOW COULD THIS BE WORSE?
-R
---
To: Romeo.Kingston@metropolismag.com
From: Gilbert.Reese@metropolismag.com
Subject: Re: Could be worse
Time: 7:34 AM
She could have mentioned your PowerPoint about her cardigan collection.
-G
---
I needed more coffee. Or a time machine. Or both. Preferably both.
The cursor blinked mockingly on June's email. Coffee. She'd mentioned coffee.
Maybe Magnus would let me hide in his bakery.
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