What is love?

Chapter 17- What if?

P.S: Might contain grammatical error.

I have created an instagram account for the book. The handle is rhireecreation.

8am

June 25, 2024

Shameika POV

It's been a week now since I last visited mommy, but something seems off.

It's as if something was burdening her down, but every time I ask, she shrugs it off.

I know she may not want to tell me because she knows how I am.

She knows. I will worry sick about her

But hiding it is making me worry just the same so better she just mek mi and done.

I overheard her on the phone speaking about some house issue but I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation and everytime I ask her about it-

Her exact words was "Nuh worry bout that baby, God nuh give we more than we can bear"

That's her favor statement whenever she thinks I am worrying too much

A statement I don't completely agree with because-

A girl getting rape is not something I think God think she can bear.

A parent losing their child at an early age is not something I think God thinks they could bear.

What I do believe is that God knows everything that we go through, and with his help we can get through anything.

I just pray God grants me the strength to create a better life for my family and I.

I just want her to be at peace.

I want her to be happy, and I want to make this happen before either of us dies.

Sometimes, I just feel as if I won't ever be able to make any of these things come through.

I feel like I am doing so many things at once but failing at each and every one of them.

Is like mi, try everything a fail innah di end,

Depression a mi family and failure a mi friend.

It's now the start of our summer holiday, and I know I should be basking in happiness because I'm a summer baby, but somehow I feel so down.

I know mommy is hiding something from me; I feel it and I know it.

She was pretending to be happy the week I visited, but I know it wasn't genuine.

I feel that the sperm donor of a man has something to do with it; I just know it.

I haven't heard from him in months, maybe a year, but he always pops in and out, and when he does, it's always chaotic.

That sperm donor of mine is everything that I don't want in a husband.

I have seen him speak and treat my mother in the worst way ever, and mommy would give him chance after chance just because she wanted to keep us together as a family.

Or maybe it was fear of starting over.

Or maybe it was in the name of LOVE.

Whatever her reason was for staying, I am just happy she mustered up the courage and left.

Because she wasn't happy and I wasn't happy.

The family that he created in his mind of us, and constantly using it to guilt-trick mommy to stay in, was only beneficial to him.