The beta-girl

Pt. 2 - The foot on my shoulder

Saturday, 11:00 AM. I'm dragging myself out of bed, hair a mess, feeling like a total zombie. My mind's stuck on this loop, replaying last evening over and over. The smell, the feel... Ugh, I need to chill. Like, seriously. So, I shuffle to the bathroom, strip down, and hop into the shower. The hot water feels amazing, like it's trying to melt away my messy thoughts, but my brain? Yeah, it's not having it.

Of course it's not. Why would it? I mean, after years of keeping this secret tucked away in the back of my head, I finally worked up the guts to, like, do something about it? Something real? It was like flipping a switch, and suddenly everything felt so freakin' right. The satisfaction of finally giving in to the kinks I've been craving for so long? It's kinda euphoric, not gonna lie.

But, ugh, as much as I wanna bask in that feeling, the anxiety's creeping in too. Like, what does this even mean? Am I some kinda freak for liking feet soo much? I know, deep down, it's probably not a big deal. But try telling that to my brain that's still going 100 miles an hour.

Anyway, enough deep thoughts for the morning. I blow-dry my hair, letting the warm air mess it up even more, and then I throw on my comfiest joggers and a hoodie—my usual Saturday uniform. I don't even bother looking in the mirror because, well, who am I trying to impress? I'm just gonna plant myself on the couch and lose myself in a game for the next few hours. Or at least, that was the plan, before my phone starts to vibrate like crazy. Our group chat.. what else.

Isabelle: Yo, what's everyone up to?

Jenny: Studying 💀 Got an exam on monday...

Isabelle: OH NO, poor you

Jana: Jeeez, just rolled out of bed, no joke, I gotta mute this group 😂

Me: I'll be sitting on the couch, gaming, like every Saturday 😏

Sophie: Just got back from my run, some of you could use one too 😜

Isabelle: Oh screw you, as if I got nothing better to do on a Saturday morning than work out 😂

Jenny: Anyone planning something for later? I could really use a distraction.

Isabelle: Finally, someone's talking sense.

Isabelle: How about a movie night? It's been weeks...

Jana: YAAAA movie night 🥳 , you've got that awesome TV

Me: Obviously me 😂 but yeah, movie night at mine tonight, my lovelies 😌

Jenny: Oh, come on, you just don't wanna clean, you slob 😂

Me: Hah, girl, you were here yesterday, you know how it looks 😘

Jana: I don't care what it looks like, as long as we've got a big TV and booze 🤷🏼‍♀️

Isabelle: I can snag some from my dad's store 😎

Me: So, everyone at mine tonight? 8 work?

Jenny: Works for me.

Isabelle: OH YEAH! 🔥

Jana: 👍🏼

Sophie: Sounds good!

Whoa. Everyone's coming over. Including... shoes... heh.

Oh, come on, I'm allowed to think about it, right?

As the day ticks by and the evening gets closer, I start feeling super jittery. Like, I'm about to walk into a job interview or something. Geez, I feel like a little kid. What's wrong with me?