The beta-girl

Pt. 4 - For me? A proposal?

As the next morning arrives, my head feels like a construction site. Like someone set off a round of dynamite, blasting the crap out of my brain. And then emptied the debris into my skull.

Ugh. But that's not nearly as important as last night. HOLY SHIT. Things are stirring up with the girls. With Jana, I mean. Like, she put her damn foot into my face, on purpose, and now I don't know what to think anymore. Or do.

Damn, I wish I could talk to her about it. Tell her exactly what I want from her, make her trample me into the damn floor.. but I can't do that. So, how to proceed? And most importantly, should I? I'm so fucking close to something I've craved for so long but still so far away.. ugh.. this sucks.

At this point, I don't even know if the headache is from the alcohol or from all the conflicting thoughts in my head. Uh, Probably both. But either way, I need some painkillers, stat. So, I drag myself out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom for a shower.

As the hot water cascades down my body, the steam starts to clear my mind a bit. At least enough for me to remember all those intense moments from last night. With Jana's foot on my shoulder, on my lap.. All the years we've been friends... why did this happen last night of all nights? It has NEVER happened before!

As I get out of the shower, wrap myself in a towel, and walk into my room, my phone beeps.

Jana: "Hey, how are you doing? 😉"

A simple question, but my heart is racing again.

"Not great, to be honest, haha. My head is killing me."

Jana: "Mine too. But that's what happens when you get wasted, lol."

Jana: "Got some time left for your friend? I really need to talk to you."

I don't know how to reply. I'm so damn nervous.

"Sure, I always have time for you! Did I say something stupid when I was drunk or something? Should I be worried?"

Jana: "Nooo, don't worry, even if you did.. I was SO drunk, I wouldn't have noticed anything anyway xD"

Is it me or is she really writing in riddles?

"You're scaring me a little. 😅"

Jana: "Nah, don't worry. I'll come over in like 20 mins or so."

Okay. That's it. I don't have time for a big freak-out. She's coming over.

What's happening here? Is she coming over to talk about that foot thing? But why should she? And does that mean she's okay with it, or did she find it weird? Or worse, does she want to confront me about it? But would she be so calm and friendly about it if she wanted to confront me? And why should she confront me when SHE put her foot in my face?!?!

So many questions are whirring around in my head, making it hurt even more. This is gonna be a looong morning.

As the doorbell rings, a rush of panic spreads through me. Why am I so damn nervous? It's Jana. We've known each other for years, we've been through so much together, and now I'm nervous about talking to her?

I take a deep breath, open the door, and there she is. Standing there with a wide grin, her usual swagger and confidence, like she's the queen of the world.

"Hey, you. Come on in."

Jana: "Thanks for having me, hehe."

As we walk into the living room, Jana flops down onto the couch. I'm dying to know what she wants to talk about, but I don't wanna seem desperate. So, I grab us both a coffee and sit down on the other side of the couch.