The beta-girl

Pt. 5 - Stick to what we've agreed

After Jana leaves, the silence is deafening, like someone just hit "pause" on my life. I sit there, slack-jawed, staring at the door, trying to replay the last few minutes. Did that really happen? My heart's doing this frantic drum solo in my chest—like, hello, can you chill for two seconds? It's like my whole body is having a meltdown, and I have no idea where to even start. But underneath all that panic is this... undeniable thrill. I didn't just let her win; I wanted her to win. And yeah, I wanted to lose.

I want this. Bad.

The worst part? I don't even have to pretend that I don't. Ever since last night, when she pressed her foot into my face like I was nothing more than, well, a footrest, it's all I can think about. Like, yeah, super normal to wake up with the taste of her dirty sneaker still lingering in your mouth, right? But this is different. It's not just some random fantasy anymore; it's real. She wants to tease me, to humiliate me, and she's not afraid to do it in front of everyone. In front of the girls. That thought makes my stomach twist in this weird mix of dread and excitement. I can't even imagine how embarrassing that's going to be—no, how mortifying. How... perfect.

I flop back on the couch, groaning at the ceiling. "Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me?"

But deep down, I know exactly what's wrong. I've been craving this for years. Like, ever since Jana first started teasing me way back in school, I've kinda been waiting for her to take things further. I always brushed it off as friendly teasing, but that was such a lie. Every smirk, every snide comment, every time she made me scurry around picking up her stuff—it was like standing on the edge of a cliff, just waiting for someone to push me off. And now that she's given me that push... well, here I am, falling.

I start thinking about the other girls. How they're gonna react when they see me at Jana's mercy, sprawled out like some pathetic doormat. What if they judge me? What if they freak out? Or worse, what if they decide I'm too weird to hang out with anymore? The thought sends a cold shiver down my spine, but then, there's the flip side. What if they like it? What if they start treating me the same way—using me however they want, making me their personal footstool? Holy hell, that idea makes my whole body buzz.

I have to stop. I have to stop thinking about it. I mean, I'm supposed to be an adult now, right? Here I am, 21 years old, and I'm losing my mind over this. I shake my head like that's gonna rattle my brain back into place. I need to focus on what's actually happening. Jana's going to tease me, and I agreed to it. It's not a big deal. It's just a... thing.

Right. Sure. "Just a thing." God, if only.

So I throw myself into "normal" stuff, like doing laundry, scrubbing the dishes from last night's pizza party, trying to pretend like I don't have the world's dumbest smile on my face. It's almost enough to trick myself into feeling normal again. I mean, adulting isn't that hard if you ignore the fact that you're low-key freaking out about being some kind of plaything for your friends, right? By the afternoon, I'm back on the couch, Netflix open, aimlessly scrolling for something—anything—to take my mind off what's coming. But with a buzz from my phone, my attention is lost. It's our group chat again.

The phone screen lights up with the new messages, and I swear, my heart does this weird flutter thing. It's like I'm holding my breath, waiting for... I don't even know. Drama? Some teasing? Something to get my brain off this rollercoaster it's been on since Jana left. Ugh, whatever. I open the group chat, and here we go:

Isabelle: "Damn, everyone alive here? Just fell out of bed and feel like crap xD"

Jenny: "Yeah, me too, but I'm still in bed, haha."

Sophie: "What? Girls, I've already been on an 8km run, lol."

Isabelle: "How can you be so damn active? Urgh."