The Devil's Advocate

Chapter eighteen: Hold me, console me, though you're leaving

Minji

She slapped me.

Grabbed Hyein.

And disappeared for a week even though I knew where she was exactly and I had to fight my inner demons from blowing that house up. She did exactly what I told her to not to do.

I sat there, waiting for her to open the door of her room. I was informed that she had arrived and that she was heading up.

The substance flowing through my veins made my rationality vanish. "You promise not to hit her, right?" I looked at Haerin who I had called to be here, so that she could take Hyein with her while I talk to Hanni. "I'm not going to hurt her, I'd never." I said and Haerin gave me a hesitant nod as the door to the room was being opened.

My eyes locked with Hanni's, and I could see the way her face dropped at seeing me and Haerin here. "Take Hyein. Now." I ordered and Haerin went to Hanni, taking the baby from her hold, and disappearing before Hanni could question or try to fight back.

"You better have a fucking good explanation for this." She was still angry at me. And I was now angry at her. With a slight wobble I stood up and gave her a crooked smile, my eyes were probably bloodshot red.

"You did something I told you not to." I said and she froze. "Minji..." Before she could give me some explanation I don't want to hear, I raised my hand as I took several footsteps towards her. "You did something that crossed my boundaries, I don't know if that was out of revenge for crossing yours, but honestly speaking, how could you?" I asked and Hanni threw a glare at me.

"Why can't you accept that I don't love you, Minji? I never will, please understand that. You crossed my lines by kissing me the way you did." She tried to reason but I shook my head.

"I was only dreaming, I thought you'd kiss me back and tell me you love me too, but that was just me getting my hopes up. Totally cool." I said with a slight smile. "I'm trying so hard to not be mad at you, because I know it was my fault. Especially when I know that I'd cross those lines again if I ever got the chance to." I said, taking a step closer to her.

She looked up at me, with a plead to get away in her eyes. She was scared of me, she always will be and I think that pains me more than anything. I've never touched her again, you could say that I'm deprived of her touch.

"Minji, I did what I wanted to do. Hyein is my daughter, and I decide what I can or can't do with her. I don't need your approval." She said and I finally backed up, looking away from her.

"If you want to leave, Hanni. Just do it, will you? I'm not holding you prisoner here with me, you're free to fly. It's killing me, Hanni. You were with Jake, while my heart was shattering. Look into my eyes! Can't you see the pain." There was a whine to my voice as I looked at her with a plead.

"You gave me a second chance, but it didn't work out and I don't think I can deal having you so close to me and not being able to feel your touch. I don't want this anymore." I said gesturing between us. "If I kissed you, it was because I was desperate for you to feel the same because I'm tired, Hanni. And maybe I deserve for you to not love me but I gave you my all, I did every last thing you asked of me. But now, I asked you to not do one simple thing and it's exactly what you did." I said and Hanni was just staring at me.

"I feel betrayed and hurt, Jake will always be the one thing I hate but can't hurt because he means so much to you. I can't be that cruel and take something you love away." I said as I turned away from her.

"You mean the world to me, Hanni. But it doesn't matter. Because I mean nothing to you." Her eyes were a galaxy I could only look from far away, I'd never be able to float in it. And that made my own eyes tear up.

"Minji, please." I shook my head as I turned back around as the tears fell down my delicate skin. "I changed for you, Hanni. I stopped being the monster!" I yelled and it caught her off guard as she took a step back. The drugs made me feel so overwhelmed.

"I did everything for you! I stopped all of the bullshit, I forgot about my past and made myself better for you. And then a good for nothing guy gets to love you? This isn't fair!" I grabbed my hair in frustration as I stepped even further away from her.

"You only fixed me to break me all over again!"

"All I ever wanted was your love!"

"I'm hurting so much for you, I'm loosing my damn mind because you're not mine!"

"Every time I look at you I'm reminded of everything I did! Even though I changed, it haunts me! I regret everything I ever did and I'm so fucking sorry I hurt you! Just—I'm just so tired of being so alone." The last part was said in a sob as I broke down.

I sat down on the ground as I could feel Hanni looking at me like I was some damn crazy person. And I was, just because of her.

"A man will always infatuate you with meaningless words, and you'll fall for it. But I can show you everything with honesty and you'd still choose him. Why? I did everything for you. I showed you how much I meant everything I said through actions." I said, looking up at her.

She looked back at me with eyes I couldn't read and that ended up making me cry again. I couldn't even read her anymore. I couldn't even understand what she was feeling from just watching me like this.

"Just leave, take Hyein with you if you want. I'm done trying so hard for someone that won't even try and look my way." I said, looking down to my feet. I give up. I have reached my own limit.

"What?" Her voice sounded so sad but I don't want her here anymore if I can't have her. I want her to hold me, to console me and tell me that I mean even the tiniest bit to her.

"Leave, Hanni. Why should you stay when your heart has already found someone? You can't stand being around me, I'll always be that monster that destroyed everything that was you. I hate myself too, Hanni." I looked back up at her.

Hanni slowly came to me and kneeled down in front of me. "I can't. I can't let myself love the person that broke me apart. I don't want to." She said with tears in her eyes. "Yes, you did everything I asked of you. Yes, you fucking changed so much for the better, and yes, I can see the pain in your eyes. But I don't want to allow myself to fall in love with you when I know that the switch could be flipped and you'd go back. You're an amazing mother, Minji. But I don't know if I can trust you. Look at you, under the influence of drugs. Minji, I can't."

I let out a bitter smile as I looked away from her. "Go, Hanni. I don't want to see you anymore. Go to Jake and live the life you want. Love him with all your heart until there's nothing left of you. Because there's nothing left in me to beg you to stay and choose me." I said and she looked at me surprised.

"Take Hyein with you, let her live the life she deserves away from the chaos of my own lifestyle. Trust, she'd be happier the same way you'd be." I said. Hanni was only staring at me. "I love you both so much, and you taught me that it was okay to let go. And now, I'm letting you both go for the sake of the happiness you both deserve." I said as I looked at her with a broken look.

I reached out to cup her cheek softly. "And I can only thank you for making me better, you made me realize that life will always be the way you view it. And now that I opened my eyes, I'll be more than fine." I said with a smile to hide the hurt behind my eyes. Hanni's eyes were looking at me with pity, but I didn't want pity. I wanted her.

"Now, go. Please." I said, shutting my eyes to not watch her stand up to leave. It'll break me so much more if I watched her leave. I wouldn't handle it, maybe the moment she leaves, I'd finally let myself rest in peace.

Next thing I felt was Hanni wrapping her arms around me. "I'm sorry, Minji." Was all she said as she pulled away slowly. I still kept my eyes shut and turning my head away from her. I heard as she got up and then opened the door.

The door was closed softly.

But my heart was shattered.

-

Guys...happy ending I swear. Time always does its thing!

VOTE AND COMMENT, PLEASE AND THANK YOU!