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I can't.

I can't kiss him and then break his heart.

Juna turned her head away at the last second and Sunghoon's lips brushed across her cheek. She felt him tense up before awkwardly laughing it off and pecking the corner of her mouth instead.

Juna turned back to him, feeling bad about what she had just done. "Look, I'm sorr-"

Sunghoon quickly cut her off. "No, you don't have to apologize for anything. I get it. I'll wait until you're ready. I'm sorry for...making things weird. Get home safely, Juna."

She nodded gently, letting her hair cover most of her face. The atmosphere had gotten uncomfortable and neither of them knew how to act at the moment.

"I'll- I'll see you tomorrow, Sunghoon," she mumbled quietly before gathering her stuff and leaving his room.

-

The next day, Juna didn't go to the library because she was afraid Sunghoon would find her. Even though he tried to hide his disappointment by texting her goodnight yesterday, she knew he was disappointed.

Instead, she went to Heeseung's homeroom class for the first time in a while. And most likely, Sunghoon wouldn't be able to find her if she went there.

Juna peeked through the windows of the classroom to see Heeseung sitting alone on his desk, dangling his legs like a child. His hair wasn't combed and his tie was undone. He was looking out the window as if waiting for someone.

She slowly opened the door and stepped in. "Heeseung?"

The latter snapped his head in her direction and flashed a wide smile. "Juna! I was waiting for you."

"How did you know I was going to come here?" Juna frowned, taking a seat at the desk next to the one he was sitting on.

He shrugged. "I didn't. But I always see you getting off the bus there." He lifted his hand and pointed to the bus stop. Juna swallowed. That meant he saw her and Sunghoon together every day. He still thinks I'm acting. That's why he's okay with it. But the truth is? I don't know anymore. I really wanted to kiss Sunghoon last night...

"And in half an hour, you'd pass by my classroom after going to the library or the courts. That's what I meant by waiting." He continued. 

Juna cleared her throat, feeling a bit guilty for not telling either of the boys anything. Sunghoon didn't know she was still friends with Heeseung and Heeseung didn't know that Juna had started to like Sunghoon.

"So you stalk me?" She attempted to joke.

"Basically." He admitted, getting off his desk and moving closer to the desk Juna was sitting on. "It upsets me seeing you with him, yet I still do it. I wonder what's wrong with me."

Juna gasped when Heeseung set a hand on her waist, pulling her to the edge of the desk and closer to him. Her hands went to his shoulders for support.

"You know, I can't wait until those ranks come out. In January? Then your operation would be done, right?" He asked, his thumb rubbing circles into her side.

Juna avoided his eyes but nodded. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw how his subtle smile dropped completely. His hand tensed up, slightly letting her go.

"You're hiding something."

Juna's eyes widened as she made eye contact with him. "I'm not!"

"Let's see, you weren't looking at me, your voice is louder and you're getting defensive. I know you too well."

Juna frowned. "You don't trust me? I'm telling you, it's nothing." I just don't want you to walk away from me again. So I can't tell you the truth yet.

"Then push me away if you're lying."

Heeseung slid his hand to the back of her neck and brought her face closer to his. Juna let out a gasp as he began to close the distance, giving her time to back away if she wanted to.

"Wait!" Juna slightly pushed him back and turned her head to the side like she did the day before with Sunghoon, but this time, it was because she didn't want to kiss her best friend.

Heeseung let out a scoff and released his hands, completely stepping back. "So what do you want to tell me?"

"That's not fair, Heeseung," Juna pointed out. "Just because I didn't...kiss you, doesn't mean I'm lying."

"Then what's your reason for not kissing me?"

"We're friends."

"You know, I have the feeling that if you were the Juna I knew a couple of months ago, you would've let me kiss you even if you didn't like me." Heeseung swiped a hand through his hair in frustration. 

"Why do you even think that? Friends don't kiss each other, Heeseung," Juna said with a deep frown on her face. How does that even make sense? Did I seriously give off that vibe?

"I know that. But I also know you trusted me enough to take care of you as more than your best friend."

Heeseung's claims made Juna start questioning herself. Would she have done that before she got to know Sunghoon? 

Juna slowly shook her head. "Well, I do still trust that you can take good care of me but...I don't think I would've reacted any differently if you did this before."

"Can you just tell me the truth?" Heeseung let out a sigh and pushed his hair back, leaning against the desk behind him. He looked like he already knew the reason but wanted Juna to tell him herself.

Juna looked down at her lap and fiddled with the end of her skirt, contemplating telling Heeseung about how she felt. Before she could say anything, however, the warning bell went off and a group of students rushed into the room. They scattered around, taking their seats and a girl glared at Juna, hissing at her to get off the desk.

"This conversation isn't over, Juna," Heeseung told her before plopping down in his seat and staring out the window with furrowed brows.

Just great.

-

On the way to her classroom, Boram casually caught up to Juna and walked beside her. Juna gave her a suspicious look before hiding it behind a small smile. "Hey. You nervous about this test?"

Boram shrugged. "It's math, right? Shouldn't be hard. I'm good at math."

Juna felt her heart drop. She had always struggled in math the most. It was one of her worst subjects and she hated it. 

"Right. I'm glad." Juna lied. 

"By the way, can you tell Sunghoon to stop avoiding me like the plague? Gosh, he's so cold. I still can't believe he kicked me out of my seat." Boram crossed her arms in front of her and pouted. Juna noted how her voice trembled a little despite putting on a confident act. 

Juna nodded. "Yeah, I'll try. But he's like that."

"Not to you," Boram spoke so harshly, it almost came out as rude. "What are you and him anyways? Half the school has seen you guys acting like a couple."

"We're still figuring things out." Juna waved dismissively, but she was questioning herself on the inside. Everything was confusing at that point. She had no idea what to do. Even if she didn't want to admit it, she knew that she liked him just as much as he liked her. But at the same time, she didn't want to tell him the truth and break his heart. The best thing was to wait until the ranks came out and figure out from there whether she wanted to break the news or keep it to herself forever and stay with Sunghoon.

"So other girls would still have a chance..." Boram mumbled, her eyes focused ahead of her.

"What?" Juna whipped around and felt a pang of jealousy. By that, Boram meant that she could still have a chance.

"I said-"

"Cut the crap, Boram. My heart already belongs to Juna."

-

"You won't be so sure when you find out what she's hiding, Sunghoon."

Jang Boram

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