Beneath the Shadows

Fragile Beginnings

Beam couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so conflicted about something. After the café, after the conversation with Forth, things had felt different—better in some ways, but infinitely more complicated in others. There was a sense of intimacy between them now, something unspoken that hung between them every time they met. It was like a quiet understanding that had replaced the tension of the past, but it wasn’t enough to erase the underlying anxiety that came with the unknown.

Beam sat on his bed that evening, his thoughts spiraling. He had always prided himself on being able to control everything—his relationships, his emotions, his life. But Forth had cracked open a door Beam had long kept shut. Now, the idea of leaving that door open, of letting someone in, terrified him.

He had tried so hard to be fine on his own. He had convinced himself that being a "casanova" was all he needed, that the short-term flings and meaningless encounters would keep him satisfied. But the truth was, he was tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of running from the feeling that had been slowly creeping up on him since that night with Forth.

Forth. Even the name stirred something in Beam—a mix of longing and fear. He couldn’t deny that he was drawn to Forth in ways he couldn’t explain, and that frightened him more than anything. Forth was different. He wasn’t just another one-night stand or casual flirtation. Forth was smart, confident, and had an undeniable intensity about him that had Beam’s head spinning.

But Beam couldn’t help the voice in his head that told him he wasn’t capable of something real. He had spent too many years convincing himself that he didn’t need anyone. He didn’t need love. He didn’t need connection.

Except now, that voice was faltering.

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Forth, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what to make of all this. He had never been the type to settle into anything, least of all a complicated mess of emotions. Yet, something about Beam had gotten under his skin. Maybe it was the challenge. Maybe it was how different they were from each other. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that Beam, despite his bravado, was more like him than he was willing to admit.

Forth was used to being in control, just as much as Beam was. He came from a family where expectations were high, where every decision was calculated. His father’s business empire, his mother’s tireless devotion to him and his brother Earth—everything in his life had been carefully managed. But when it came to Beam, Forth couldn’t help but feel like he was constantly on the edge of losing control.

They had been meeting more frequently over the past week, mostly by chance—running into each other in the cafeteria, walking together between classes, or bumping into one another after a long day. And yet, Forth couldn’t shake the feeling that they were both testing the waters, hesitant to admit what was starting to grow between them.

Tonight was different, though. Tonight, Forth had asked Beam to meet him at his favorite bar, the one where he and his friends—Park and Lam—had spent many late nights talking about life and school. The place was familiar, casual, but there was a weight to the invitation. Forth had never asked Beam to hang out with his friends before.

The bar was dimly lit, with a warm atmosphere that contrasted with the cool night air outside. The sound of low conversation and clinking glasses filled the room as Beam walked in, spotting Forth immediately. He was sitting at a booth, as usual, but this time, there was a new energy in the air.

“Hey,” Beam greeted, sliding into the booth across from him.

Forth offered him a small smile, his usual smirk softened in a way that made Beam feel exposed. “Glad you made it,” he said casually, but there was something deeper in his tone—something more vulnerable.

For a moment, they both sat in silence, watching as Forth’s friends, Park and Lam, engaged in their usual banter nearby. Beam noticed that their conversations, while loud, had an intimacy to them. The way they joked around, the way their eyes met when they spoke—it was clear they shared something deeper than just friendship.

Forth followed Beam’s gaze and then chuckled, as if reading his thoughts. “You’ll get used to them,” he said, his tone light. “They’ve been together since high school. They’re… complicated.”

Beam nodded, unsure of what to say. He had always prided himself on never getting too close to anyone, but the more time he spent with Forth, the more he realized that Forth was unlike anyone he had ever met.

“Do you ever wonder how we ended up here?” Beam asked quietly, taking a sip of his drink.

Forth’s eyes locked onto him, his expression shifting to something more serious. “You mean how we ended up hanging out, having drinks like we’re friends?”

“No,” Beam said, shaking his head slightly. “I mean, how we ended up here. With this. With… whatever this is between us.”

Forth’s lips pressed into a thin line, and for a moment, the playful expression that usually adorned his face disappeared. He looked down at his glass, swirling the liquid inside it before meeting Beam’s eyes again.

“I don’t know,” he said softly, his voice almost vulnerable. “I wasn’t expecting this either.”

The words hung in the air between them, the unspoken weight of their connection settling into the space around them. Forth leaned back in his seat, his gaze steady. “I don’t know what I want either, Beam. But I’m willing to figure it out with you.”

Beam felt a wave of something unfamiliar wash over him. It wasn’t fear, not exactly. But it was close. The idea of letting himself be vulnerable in this way was terrifying, yet for the first time in his life, Beam found himself wanting to try.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Beam admitted, his voice rough with uncertainty. “I’ve spent my whole life being... well, being me. I don’t know what it means to actually care about someone.”

Forth’s eyes softened, and he reached across the table, his fingers brushing lightly against Beam’s. It was a simple gesture, but it felt significant.

“I don’t have all the answers either,” Forth said, his voice low and reassuring. “But we can figure this out together.”

For the first time, Beam let himself feel the weight of Forth’s words. He had always been someone who took pride in never needing anyone—never needing connection, never needing love. But here, in this moment, with Forth’s hand lingering on his, Beam felt something shift inside him.

Maybe he didn’t have all the answers. Maybe he didn’t even know where this would lead. But for the first time in a long time, he was willing to try.

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Tbc