But I'm A Time Travelling Cheerleader!

Chapter two: Onecas, Twocas, Threecas

The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire theme tune was playing on the radio. Tallulah had been wondering for the last 41 seconds if that was hillariously fitting or just regular terrible. 

It wasn't both. Both was just too far.

The Rolls Royce that had come to collect her from the Airport to drive her to Unnamed Prepatory Prep School had felt to her like the most intensest form of overkill perhaps possible in the entire history of anything ever, even more so than the sheer dramatase that was historical event 9/11. She'd almost turned and walked back into the airport then and there but her curiosity at whatever the fart knocker was going on had got the best of her so here she was, pulling up to the old money british building in a rolls royce car smelling like binley mega chippy while the fresh prince theme blared through the speakers (These Yanks want to be N'orn Irish so bad).

"Well [insert americanised term of endearment here], here we are. Need a hand with your bags?" The Driver asked. That was his name, The(odore) Driver. Tallulah shook her head and got out of the car, slamming the door behind her in an effort to non-verbally emphasise her bewillderment and disgust with all of this.

"OH Mama the time has come.."  A voice rings out behind Tallulah that has her spinning muy rapida because- she has heard that voice before. "Tallulah, welcome to UPP." There's no fucking way. She's having a prolonged brain aneyurism. that could be the only explaination for the increasing levels of ubsurdity occuring.

"Ru Paul...?"

"Well boots kitten sashe slay, they call me PrinciPaul but...yes, I suppose Ru Paul is my earthen name. How was your flight, now towerbulants I hope"

"What?"

Ru- PrinciPaul (retared ass fucking name) laughs that ru paul jajaja laugh and pats Tallulah on the head. "Oh mama, you must be jetlagged boots the house down-"

"Why are you speaking to me like you learned to read from gay twitter?"

"Hush chile before I have to read you for filth. Now," She says, pushing Tallulah toward the the towerign doors of what Tallulah had to guess was the main school building, "Seeing as you have shantayed into the hallowed halls of our humble establishment a little later than we squirrlfriends might like, I have taken the sickenening liberty to serve you guided tour realness in the form of our fishy kiki boots student body president HUNTY." She snaps her fingers with a flouriish and Tallulah stares dumbly up at her.

"English?" 

"Yas child!" PrinciPaul explains with a clap of her large, age spotted hands, "English is a subject taught on our school curriculm! I knew you'd be a bright one ms Morphoy."

Tallulah was going to varm...everywhere. This was just too much. First; living parents, then Step-Bucky, not one but TWO new siblings, cross country excursion in ECONOMY and now, Ru Paul Charles speaking gay at her in the united states of america on what Tallulah could only hope was a Tuesday morning. The very worst part about all of this was the fact that Tallulah remained unshowered post flight and STILL SMELLED LIKE TH E INSIDE OF A BINLEY MEGGA NIGGERING CHIPPY. "Is this real?" SHe didn't even bother to hide the fact of her digruntlement from princiPAul like she would have her family at home, after all what was the cunting point? There was no possibility any of this was real anyway she was obviously experiencing delusions brought on by brain bleed in her final moments of exisitense as she painstakingly ripped herself from all of time and space. Dying an infintesimal amount of times all at once hurt like a mother tucker (oh great now she's speaking gay) so these symptoms are to be expected really.

"Come through mama! Here he is, the man of the hour, serving academic jewish realness, miss LUCAS SHAWWW!!" PrinicPaul snapped her fingers reppeatedly in the direction of the figure coming their way and when Tallulah tugged her gaze away from the freak amazonian she nearly died.