But I'm A Time Travelling Cheerleader!

Chapter four: Crunchy Munchies and Extracurriculars to Boot!

"No but I don't understand how no one's ever noticed they have the same face." Tallulah exclaims.

Ambrose hums noncomitally. "I've never really thought about babe, I just think they're both hot- morning Kay- but yeah, I guess they do look similar." 

"Not similar, the same. They literally look the same. They are the same." She insists.

"Do you think their dicks are the same too? I wouldn't mind if they weren't, I'd happily choke on them anyway." Ambrose wonders as he holds out his lunch tray for the dinner lady to plop- What the fuck even was that- onto his plate.

Momentarily distracted from her argument with Ambrose Tallulah peered down at the food on his plate. It was mostly lumpy red sauce with what might have been mince mixed in. Tallulah really hoped it wasn't mince though because it was disturbingly grey. Like fat person poom grey. Maybe it was fanny meat. Dodgy meat aside there was a cluster of twiggy yellow sticks mixed in as well, Tallulah thought they could have been spaghetti at first but spaghetti was usually cooked when people ate it and this shit clearly was not so it had to be something else.

"What's um, what's for lunch today then?" Tallulah asked tentativly when she herself came face to face with the dinner lady. And- was that?

"Hai peepl, today I'm back serving a different kind of spaghetti bolognaise." She said as she slapped a heaping pile of the vile looking poser cosplay of 'spaghetti' onto Tallulah's plate. Kay Cooking was her dinner lady. Brilliant.

"Thank's Kay!" Ambrose chirped as he turned to head toward the lunch tables. Tallulah would've loved to know what he was so fucking chipper about considering he'd just been served a steaming hot pile of poison. She gave Kay one last scathing look of horror before turnign herself to follow after Ambrose.

"I don't know if their dicks would look the same." She says, continuing on from their early conversation. "Mr Crowley is a demon so. Do demons have diffirent looking dicks?" She asked.

"Depends on the demon really." Ambrose explains. "Speaking of dicks! Kay has this son who works here, his namee's Lee, he's the Janitor."

"What's that got to do with dicks?"

"Well if you'd let me finish," He says, swatting at her arm, "Once, under the most dire of circumstances, I sucked him of in his grody little pedo closet."

Tallulah's face screwed up. "Ew! Why on fuck did you do that?"

"Like I said, circumstances were dire. You're right though, it was truly awful. Tasted like fish paste..."

Tallulah smacked her lunch tray down on the table to shut Ambrose up before he said something so grose she boked so hard she fucking inverted. The rest of her strange assortment of kind of friends but also just npc things were already crunching away on their undercooked spaghetti. Garroth gave her a smile when she sit down.

They took what looked like a painful gulp of her horrid lunch then asked, "Lula, what extracurricular are you picking up cuz i was thinking of dropping lit but i think if I did Miss Sparkle would kill herself and I'd feel really bad if she-"

"I'm probably not going to do an extra curricular. I've never done one before." Tallulah interrupts.

"WHAT!?" Literally everyone at the table exclaimed. Except Aggie. She was probably above raising her voice anyway. She was definetly booky enough that she didn't need to.

"Tallulah," Agatha drawled. "Everyone does an extra curricular at Unnamed Preparatory Prep: School for the magical and extraordinary."

"It's true, we do." James agreed. "You can't pass the year if you havn't taken an extra curricular. it's in the student handbook."

Danny scoffed. "I don't know why you're so popular when you're sucha fucking bore. 'It's in the student handbook.'" He mimed, pitching his voice down to imitate his brother. "like, God Jamie, have sex."

"I have sex. I lost my virginity before you. Not that it matters," He adds, turning back to Tallulah while Danny stuck his tongue out over his shoulder. "It is in the handbook." He insists.

"Okay..." Tallulah says, "Well what extra curriculars do you all do?"

Ambrose hums, "Well; like Gar Gar said, he does literature club with Miss Sparkle. Aggie does botany with Mr Crowley-"

"the one who has Mr The Doctor's face."

Ambrose snorts. "If you say so. Anyway- Aggie does botany, Danny fences, I'm on student council and so is James, he's vp. He also does equestrian and he's on the archery team.

"Because he's a massive try hard." Danny supplements.

"Because I care about my GPA." James corrects.

Watching the two of them bicker made Tallulah wonder if she and her sister bickered like that. In the little time Tallulah had spent with Ruby J she'd exuded the aura of exactly the kind of monkey that would be a little dickhead about everything. And Tallulah had no patience for anything so, realistically, if you locked them in a room together they'd probably kill each other.

"Okay well those all sound incredibly gay and I don't want to do any of them so what else is there."

"i could probably get you a list." James offers.

"But he won't because that's even more fucking gay than doing three whole extra curriculars for no reason." Danny insists. 

"You are an actual homosexual Daniel. I fear you've got no place calling James gay." Agatha interjects idly. 

"Yeah well-" Danny spits incredulously. "You're emo. SO there."

"My mum was emo." Tallulah says at the same time Garroth asks, "What's wrong with being gay?"

"Nothing. Eat your crunchy pasta sweetheart." Ambrose sooths, patting Garroths shoulder. "Anyway, Tallulah, what do you like doing? That'll help us suggest an extra curricular for you."

Tallulah pondered this for a minute. She hadn't really had time for hobbies the past two decades and she didn't thing stalking her parents across time and space and self inflicted infantacide counted as hobbies. The first go around she cooked a lot with her dad but that wasn't so much a hobby as an essential life skill, she thinks she remembers her mum putting her in gymnastics when she was like seven but that was kind of it. God Tallulah was a fucking gimp wiht no life, how horrible is that?

"I mean she's conventionally attractive and blonde so obviously she should do cheer." Tallulah could tell from Danny's tone he was joking but in all honesty cheer didn't sound like the worst idea in the world to her for whatever fucking reason.

"Sure. I'll do fucking cheer then. May as well commit myself to the main character archetype I'm being violently forced into like a fat as fucking cock in the worlds smallest, tightest, dryest asshole."