lore ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

chapter 1

alr if you don't know me irl basically my parents are divorced bc my dad cheated on my mom (abt two years-ish ago? i don't rlly keep track) but me and my mom don't rlly get along bc i'm 99% sure she likes my younger sister more ... it was fine bc i was always my dad's favorite , but when they got divorced my mom got full custody and my dad ended up moving in w his gf (whom he cheated on my mom w)

my mom didn't want to tell us the whole situation (figures bc i'm too 'young' to understand) but i heard them talking abt it in the middle of the night before they got divorced (main character moment!!) and my dad ended up telling us anyways (eventually) bc he moved in w her.

they live in li (i don't live there , i live somewhere else) tgt and they have two children already ? so basically my dad only told my mom he cheated bc the gf got pregnant and things got complicated bc he didn't want ab*rtion or anything.

and not shaming anyone but the gf is 13 years younger than my dad ??

they had a little girl named luna , uhm... i don't really blame the kid bc its not rlly her fault ykw i mean?? like i'm not gonna go around blaming ppl , especially when i chose to forgive my dad. but when i eventually met the gf (whom people have told me i've met before?? i don't remember meeting her before) she used to work for him briefly in his deli before they got tgt anyways, when i met her she kinda ignored me , treated me like wallpaper. and i was mostly ok w that ig bc i didn't really want to speak w her either. i thought it was fine , but apparently its not.

my mom resents my dad (i can see why) but we rely on him alot since me and my sister are still in school but than what happened was that my dad's father died. (my grandpa) recently like 50 days ago.

my dad had another child (a son) the day before my grandfather died. and i was raised as catholic but my grandmother is Buddhist and in their religion after 50 days of a loved one dying, you have to go to the grave and stuff and honor them (apologies if i got the ceremony and stuff wrong, as i said i was raised as catholic)

so today we did that my aunt (my dad's sister) was there and she has four children (all younger and cousins) and i never rlly liked her that much... she doesn't rlly know me, and ik shes always stressed and stuff but she thinks she knows me and she thinks i'm comfortable telling her stuff... (normally i'm a pretty private person when it's irl , i jst vent alot bc thats how i cope) and it never rlly bothered me. but today we spoke a little bc my dad's gf was at the ceremony. and i had been pretty good as a grandaughter, supporting my family and all that (mind you i'm a minor... not like 'abt to be adult' minor, basically a young teenager) EVEN THOUGH that side of the family kind of hurts me bc they didn't rlly bother to tell me abt my dad and his gf or try to comfort me at all.

but i was always mostly the favorite grandchild for a few reasons:
- my family is korean and my four cousins from my aunt are half korean half Italian (asian people r kinda weird w people being half?? idk i have no issue with it) my aunt married an italian man
- my dad was their oldest child AND their only son, i am the oldest grandchild
- i'm full korean and i was raised to be the most respectful ig (my sister was never rlly taught respect the way i was :P shes a little shit)

but yea, i rlly helped and stuff even though the family on that side is a bit much sometimes but then she has the NERVE to ask me how i'm doing and say 'what do you think abt {dad's gf's name} and when i TRUTHFULLY told her 'oh... i don't rlly like her' and the reasons why (leaving out the part where she literally DESTROYED my parent's marriage bc i'm a bit of a wimp)

and she was JUDGING me and telling me 'ohh, well i think she's a bit intimidated by you...' i was like girl... i'm a fucking child don't even.

and i was like 'oh... uh- i don't really want to....' as in i don't rlly want to bond or interact w her and that's MY decision. i don't have to act as if shes my second mother or anything??

she said 'oh, well i mean that side of the family is YOUR family, YOUR siblings' and all that shit.

and i get it, we're related by blood. but you can't force me into a maternal older sister role to these two children. i know we're related, half siblings. but don't get all 'family is family' on me bc where were you when I was struggling in this divorce? i wasn't even a teenager yet and where was YOUR support for ME. you support these children all the fucking time, you MET them BEFORE i even knew about them. i think they have enough love rn.

also, you're always talking abt how i'm 'not a good older sister' and i 'have to be nicer' (to my younger sister, the one i've had since before my parents were divorced) so i don't think i rlly fit the mold.

and SHE tells ME to be 'respectful'. and i get it, i'm going through puberty and shit and my hormones are all over the place, i can be moody and obnoxious and rude sometimes, but i've NEVER been rude to my dad's gf, NOR her children. and it's not MY job to reach out to her. if she wants to be civil with me, if she wants me to RESPECT her, she has to make me.

the women KNEW my father was married. she KNEW he had children, hell she MET me. she WORKED for him. and i'm not saying she has to 'pick a side' bc that's her right ig, 'family is family' to her apparently excluding me. but she acts all friend w my mom, hanging out w her and making me take care of all four of her children + my sister while the have 'girl talk'. i get it, your adults and sometimes you need your space to talk. BUT THEN DON'T BRING YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN THAN. i'm not your free service babysitter

you barely fucking know me. i'm not 5, i understand what happened. just bc i act all respectful doesn't mean you can boss me around. i'm not your maid, i'm not even your child.

and don't tell me to be 'respectful'. treat me either like a teenager or like my mom ig. jst be polite and talk to me normally to my face.

have i EVER not been respectful to ANYONE in your presence. she treats me like a 5 year old and still also manages to treat me like i'm mature enough to take care of her children and my sister and my half siblings.

i'm only a 'mature adult' or wtv bull she thinks when she NEEDS me to be.

i didn't WANT to comfort my grandmother when my grandpa died, but i did. bc i respect her and care abt her and my grandfather.

but before he died, she said this to me. "your grandfather is gonna die soon... i have my husband to help me through it, you have to be there for your father."

excuse me?. i am a fucking child. my father has a girlfriend and a daughter. (and apparently a son now?? bc no one fucking BOTHERED to mention to me that he was having another kid. i found out the day after he was born.)

you cannot put that responsibility on ME, i'm the daughter, he's my FATHER. he should be there for me. ik that i should have basic empathy for my father, but to tell me to BE THERE for him when my grandfather dies is so fucked up.

i love my father, his fucked-up-i-ness and all. bc hes my dad and he's always loved me and taken care of me and i can tell he still does.

i love my grandmother as well , she's done nothing against me. she still asks about my mother and stuff and you can tell she still cares.

but i do not and will not ever care for that women, bc even if i was fucked up before this, even if i was broken and messed up and my parents' didnt have a healthy marriage - she fucked my life , and still has the nerve to ignore me. she KNEW what she was getting into , it wasn't a mistake , my dad didn't 'forget' to tell her he was married.

and to tell me to RESPECT her jst bc she's older than me... its fucking insulting.

wtf ??  excuse me ??  you were never there for me ,  you CHOSE not to. i don't understand ,  why am I reaching out to that women ?   i never disrespected her AT ALL.  i mean ,  AT ALL.   and its not like she's ever reached out to me ,  respected me. 

oh yeah ,  bc sleeping w a pre-teen's father while he was married to said child's mother and getting pregnant and making the parents get a divorced is smth to respect. 

and i guess she picked a side, but why are you making me switch? its my decision ,  its MY life. YOU were the one that asked ME how i felt abt her. 

i was getting over it too, healing. but guess who fucked that shit up.  

"oh but shes ur family," 

not my only family. you're acting as if my mother does not fucking exist. (granted ,  i don't like my mom either but thats a story for another day) 

~

thank you for reading my mc lore dump lol !! trauma core :P . (i'm dying inside , when i'm coping i make awful jokes ignore me)

this is part of my anime fl backstory , i have more built up trauma lmao

this was a teensy venting sesh sorry if i annoyed you by oversharing oop.

main character moment !! -'✮'-