The Glass Ballerina Who Danced On Knives

Golden Gun

Was it casual when you kissed me in the hot tub with your girlfriend literally inside, and then proceeded to make amends in my bedroom where you then made out with me again? It was not in fact casual. They were never just best friends I fear

Casual (May's Version), Chappell Roan ft. Rattywriter

Did a title reference - did you get it? 

TW - May jumpscare

I spend the night tossing and turning, my mind reeling from the pure insanity of the past twenty - four hours. It's around four thirty when I'm woken up by a rustling in the dark. Almost reflexively, I pull my handgun from under the pillow and turn the safety off.

"Who is it?" I say clearly into the cold air. "I have a gun, I am going to use it."

The bedside light flicks on. "Damn Trin, I didn't take you as the kind to keep weapons under your pillow."
Camden's POV

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time you're mistaken." She spits back angrily. "You scared the crap out of me."

She's glowing in the faint light, hair voluminous and rumpled, glistening slightly. Her eyes are sleepy and the pistol she clutches is beautiful, golden and polished, her initials stamped into the mother of pearl inlaid into the grip. The left sleeve of her silk nightshirt dips off her shoulder, hair brushing over it, and her lips are plush and pink, twisted into a small smirk.

"I don't remember you keeping weapons under your pillow." I say smoothly, attempting to cover up my surprise.

She tips her head, hair tumbling forward. "Don't play games with me, Camden. You've already played quite a few."

"Would you at least put the gun down? It's making me pretty uncomfortable."

"Good," She laughs, but lowers it regardless. "Why are you here in the first place?"

"I just wanted to say bye." I manage weakly, the reason suddenly seeming insignificant and unnecessary compared to the real reason.

As if she can read my mind, Trinity slides her night shirt back around her shoulders and sinks down onto the bed. "Sit." she commands.

"I'm not a dog, First." I attempt a joke as I relax into the mattress.

The safety is back on now, and she fidgets with the engraving. "I'm not going to over - complicate this, or anything else that's happened." She pauses, and the memory of her lips on mine flashes through my tortured mind.

Her lips were so soft, and she smelled delicious, like musk and vetiver and something underlying, more human, more primitive. She smelled edible. Her body was just the right shape and size for me to fit into, like a puzzle piece, like a missing half. She's just so gorgeous. A blazing, unstoppable force of nature.

Guilt stabs me in the gut, twisting around like a knife, puncturing my liver and kidneys, pulling out my intestines. There's no possible way she could ever like me back.

She's too good for me, and even if she did, she is too noble to ever do anything about it.

"It was a mistake, it was situational, and it means nothing." She swallows slightly, clenching the left side of her jaw. I know that, it's her tell.

She's lying, she just has to be. But her eyes don't go slightly slack, like they also do when she's lying. I know I have no authority to feel the way, awful and heartbroken, but that doesn't stop the feeling pumping through my veins like ice water.

"It's almost as if you constantly bringing it up is making it a bigger deal than it needs to be." I joke before the words can be processed by my own brain. What was it I said last time? It's probably the altitude.