19's Suicides

⊹₊⟡⋆ Chapter 1 ˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊

I woke up at six o clock as usual, i hated school mornings as much as i wished to like them.
I cooked some eggs for breakfast, and drank the pills my doctor gave me to clear my skin.
Which were the only reason i tried eating in the mornings since I couldn't take them on empty stomach, about an half an hour later dad drove me to school.
My school was far away from my hometown because of it being an art school, so I had to take at least 5 art subjects despite the fact i hated it but i had no choice at all so i studied fashion.
It was a Monday morning, i went to class and looked at my phone, i wanted to socialize but also couldn't help myself but think it would be awkward so i kept looking at my phone although i had nothing to do with it.
I hated myself and the other classmates too, i had no friends, i dropped the last friends i had since they were toxic which were true but i also missed them.
School was hard as well, it was my second year of high school but i never focused on it, my mind always wandered to the university life i always wanted and dreamed of.
I wanted to leave my toxic family household, and the country i hated the most, my parents were the reason i thought of committing a suicide every single day, life never seemed harder.
When the bell ringed, all of classmates where already in class, i was sitting on the front row looking at the board when the teacher came in, we had math as our first lesson, i always struggled in math but lately i started enjoying it since i was studying it late at nights.
Every minute of that lesson my eyes where on the clock except of the part i tried participating by answering the teachers questions, later the teacher gave us an assignment i couldn't do because i was too tired but also couldn't let myself to ruin the reputation i gained as the top student which wasn't true, one thing the teacher will never find out. I wrote some random number on the paper, the teacher went to check the other students answers except mine since she trusted me.
When the lesson was over i prayed for the day to end and slept trough some classes till i got home.
My plan was to end my life at the age of nineteen, two years before my past-self would think the idea was crazy or insane, she wouldn't dare to take it, but i scariest thing was, that I didn't thought that way anymore, in fact i wasn't even scared to stab myself anymore.
I was standing in the local bus station with the guy from my class, i always suspected he liked me. Last year she asked someone for my name and was always looking at me in class also when his friend was being rude to me he standed up for me and told him to stop. I never had a boyfriend and never fell in love, half of me wanted to experience it and half hated anything to do with relationships. But the time I went back home an hour passed and it was about 4 o clock.
I went to my grandma's house to eat lunch, she lived close to our place.
I didn't really had a relationship with my grandma because she would always get mad over the little things and watch tv all day but i did tried my best being nice to her, my grandpa was also a really good person, you see my whole childhood my mother and father were sudying at the university so i rarely so them and we weren't even living in the same house. I only had my grandparents. Only when i was 8 i moved living with my parents so we were never close, i rarely has memories with them and even now i only see them in the evenings and we barely talk.
It was 5 o clock already so i went to take a long nap and woke up at 7 when my dad came back from work, i studied math and ate my salad.
My mom and my little brother who was 6 came back from the park, my brother took my dad's phone to play games while mom was making him dinner. She went to my room to check on me of course, to ask how was my day, i answered it was fine like i always did.
I waited for them to leave or go to sleep so I could spend the rest of my evening in peace,
After some time i washed my face, which hurted alot since i had acne i couldn't get rid of.
But besides that i was really pretty, i had shiny brown hair, green eyes, straight greek face, i was skinny and had slim legs i was also tall.
I went to sleep, and let me tell you straight away that night was horrible, i always has the weirdest dreams i could only remembered minutes after i woke up.