My mom hooked me into the idea of going to see a sangoma I have never actually done this but she feels like Ntando's situation is more traditional than scientific since he's been at the hospital for a week now
We arrive in Umlazi , she is driving my dads car nobody is speaking in guessing it's the nerves and the tense situation I'm wearing a green dress with my cardigan and my bumpers matching my outfit She finally parks the car outside of the house with a few rondavels it's painted in white my heart starts beating fast at the results of today
I step out of the car while she does the same, we walk inside right after locking the car , a small boy comes running to us he's a little bit weird for his age no shoes on and white smothered on his face "Gogo unilindile la " He points to the rondavel on my left we start heading towards that direction a feel a touch on my hand I look back and it's the boy with the smile on his face "konke kuzolunga kuba mnyama kakhulu mase kuzokhanya , vuma mntanami " He's not using his own voice it's like he's possessed or someone is using his body to speak and it's in a manly voice With that said the boy let's go of my hand and runs to the big cemented house like nothing happened
"Ma" My mom is just as shocked as I am we enter the Rondavel and there's an old lady with her head down she's wearing all white ? Fair skin and no shoes on We take off our shoes before we enter the house she looks as though she has been expecting us for a while
"Kade nginilindile "okayyyyyy this is creepy how did she even know "Ayikho into nami engingakusiza ngayo nami mntanami kumele wenze into efanelekile " "Makhosi "my mom looks so confused I haven't said anything I'm only looking at her confused too "Makhosi" She starts shaking hard and shouting "Vumani booooooo!!!yeyyyyy makhosi amakhulu!" We clap out hands together and assist "Siyavuma " "Yeyyyyyyy!!!" "Wena Ziyanda kumele ushade , uvezeliwe umkhwenyana kodwa ubaba wengane kusamele akugeze " I haven't talked to my mother about the father of my baby I'm sure she thinks it's a young man who's hustling and oyiphara nje well it isn't the story is actually very different from what she thinks maybe being with that guy would have brought me less pain "Ziyanda lungisa indaba yakho nabantu bakaZulu " "Ma how do I do that ? " "Akuwona umsebenzi okumele wenziwe imina loyo , enza njengoba ngisho " I nodd my mother is quiet the entire time , I take my wallet to pay
"Cha ntombi , ungayikhiphi " I look at her with the why look and she gives me that look it's weird but it's very commanding "Ngyabonga makhosi " We stand up from the reed mat and walk out I am so conflicted We enter the car and my mom is driving back to the apartment
"Ziyanda kwenzakalani ngempela?" "Mama Uma ngase ngiqale ngikutshele ungangizonda noma ungehlulele " "You already were pregnant I don't think ngisaphindela kuleso sigaba sokukuzonda noma ngikwehlulele " A lone tear rolls down my cheeks "Mama" "Khuluma Ziyanda " "Mama I slept with a married man I didn't know at that time , he's the father of my baby " "Hawuuuu shwele nkosi yokulunga " Okay right now she's being very dramatic "Mama on top of that the man that I love you about , the love of my life that's none other than my baby daddy's son " My mother brakes the car abruptly "Ziyanda Khumalo uthini kumina " "Eish ma " "Yohhhh ayyyyy udlulile ezintweni khona ntombi " "Kakhulu"
She starts the car again and heads to my apartment while I narrate everything not leaving anything behind about what actually happened to me , she's shedding a few tears here and there and I don't even have the power to comfort her
The next day
My son is still at the hospital yesterday my mom slept at the apartment with me cause Asemahle had a late study session and she slept at her friends house I wake up in the morning and stare at myself in the mirror I have eye bags , I look so terrible I'm even tired of the constant tears I've been shedding
I take a shower and look for an outfit , I finally took the decision to go Ibanzi and actually ask him to do a ceremony for my son I don't even have anything to say about the marriage the ancestors have a weird way of reuniting people this marriage will only be too toxic for me plus I don't likhona will even love my baby after finding out it's his brother I know I wouldn't even know what to do
I decide on wearing my green knitted dress with a bra top it looks decent and I wear my cotton on crocs and I have a wavy 16 inch frontal on I wear my silver watch and I look at myself in the mirror one last time and I actually look so decent shame
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"Hayyy ngeke Ziyanda " "Yindaba ma " "Do you want the son or the father , you want wear that while going to see a married man so much skin exposed " "Ma come on I can't change my closet just because of him " "It's not its respecting his situation " "Which is ?" "He's married , at least tie the two buttons of the dress ingubo enjani yona le " "It's a green knitted dress it's also quite expensive " "Expensive or not this one isn't the one " I do as she says and tie the buttons of my dress and grab my bag and her car keys and leave
I take her Havel parked outside my dad took jet car yesterday , I first pass the hospital and check up on my baby and he's still fast asleep I kiss his forehead "Mommy misses you so much baby"
