Big Sleep

Chapter 10: Moving On Now

Amanda will forever remain in Nelson’s heart, but he knows this is no way of living. He hopes she has a beautiful life, that she becomes the sun in somebody else’s world. But deep down, he can’t help but wonder—why can’t it be his world?

Eventually, Nelson decides that enough is enough.

Years ago, he had met a girl from the States named Tiffany. They connected through a social media app, and for a while, he seriously considered moving to the US. But when Tiffany’s ex-husband found out, things took a dangerous turn. He started posting pictures of himself on her profile holding fire weapons, clearly trying to intimidate Nelson. After talking to his mother, Nelson knew he couldn’t go. His mom warned him that the situation looked crazy, and he might end up getting hurt.

So Nelson gave Tiffany an ultimatum: either get rid of your ex for good, or we’re done. She ignored him for a week, no response. When she finally did reply, it was full of excuses. At that point, Nelson had already made his decision. It was over.

After that, he spent his time enjoying his solitude, focusing on his mother when she needed him. Free from the heartbreak and disappointment, he began to appreciate the peace of being on his own.

He tried to move on, but it was never lasting. The women he met only seemed to add more confusion to his life, like Cristina, who claimed to love him but couldn’t resist chatting with any guy who messaged her. Her excuse? Curiosity. She was in over 60 dating groups, and despite promising Nelson, he was the only one. She couldn’t bring herself to leave them. It was a constant cycle of disappointment.

Dating had turned into a business, a way to profit from people’s loneliness and longing. Nelson knew dating apps were nothing but scams, exploiting the vulnerabilities of people seeking love.

What now?

All the women he had known since childhood were either married or taken. The town's nightlife, once lively, had died, the competition shutting down any chance of a connection. And then, COVID-19 came, putting the final nail in the coffin of an already difficult world to navigate.

Even if Nelson did meet someone, he, like thousands of other men, was terrified. Terrified of false accusations, unrealistic expectations, and, of course, rejection. The fear was paralyzing.

Being lonely was one of the hardest things a man could go through, but peace, quiet, and freedom were priceless. Nelson had come to realize that being alone didn’t have to mean being defeated. He didn’t need anyone to complete him. In his solitude, he found strength—a strength that couldn’t be taken away.

Nelson doesn’t know if he will ever find love again. He doesn’t know if he will ever meet a soulmate or a twin flame. But right now, his priorities lie elsewhere. His mother needs him, and after losing his father eight years ago, he understands the importance of being there for the ones who matter most.

The future is uncertain, but then again, Nelson never had the drive to chase after anything—especially not a woman. It was never in his nature. To him, love was never something you pursued; it either clicked right from the start, or it didn’t. If it didn’t, he moved on. No effort, no forced interaction. He didn’t chase, and he never would.

He doubts he will ever initiate or spark a conversation with another woman in that way again. The thought feels foreign to him now. Why bother when so much of it had always felt like a game? There is so much disappointment, so many empty promises. No, he wouldn't chase anymore. He'd let the world come to him if it ever did. But in the meantime, he was content. His life, his peace, his mother—these were the things that truly mattered.

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