It Had to Be You

Mornings Are Hard

The next morning Eliza got up and skipped her yoga practice. She hadn't slept well and the last thing she wanted to do was push her body into more exhaustion. The entire night she had tossed and turned, agonizing over the unprocessed feelings about Walker and Gabby. She had come to the conclusion that she had no right to be upset about his relationship. Sure he didn't tell her and he led her on. But she wasn't going to wish ill will on them. She wanted Walker to be happy and she genuinely liked what she knew of Gabby so far. It wasn't her place to throw a fit.

She went downstairs with her journal and the house was blessedly quiet. She turned the coffee pot on and went outside to sit in her favorite chair. She enjoyed listening to the birds and taking stock of her thoughts. When she heard the coffee pot chime she got up and poured herself a cup. She enjoyed this. The solace of the day. Eliza enjoyed being alone. It was something Alexa would never understand or enjoy for that matter. Eliza felt energized by the isolation, the quietness moments like this afforded her. She resumed her seat in the Adirondack chair and was savoring the first sip of her coffee when she heard the screen door open.

"Oh sorry, I didn't realized anyone was out here." She turned to see Gabby in a sweatshirt and pajamas bottoms. She looked younger, more fresh faced in this light.

"No worries, you're welcome to stay if you want." Eliza gestured to the chair next to her.

"Thanks, but I actually think I'm going to try and get some work done before anyone wakes up."

"Oh, on a Saturday?"

"Yea, my job is pretty demanding and I took off yesterday afternoon so time to pay the piper. I just wanted to breathe in some fresh air before I have to go under a rock." Eliza nodded in understanding. Her job wasn't particularly stressful but she needed fresh air to feel centered and grounded.

"What do you do?"

"I'm in investment banking."

"That sounds so cool." Eliza meant it.

"Ha yea it sounds cool and that's definitely why I got into it in the first place. But it's long hours and difficult people."

"How long have you been doing it?"

"This will be my tenth summer."

"Wow." Eliza took a sip of her coffee and sat back in her chair. She had underestimated Gabby considerably.

"Yea, it's gotten better. Not so many late nights or working on the weekends but I still need to be on. Walker's super understanding of it but sometimes I feel bad. I wish I didn't always have to carry a laptop with me everywhere I went." Eliza nodded in understanding as if she had any concept of what Gabby did or what it sounds like she sacrificed for her work.

"Well that's a positive. I'm sorry you have to work."

"Thanks. Sorry to hit you with that this early in the morning. If you need me, I'll be in the den. I'll see you in a bit." She gave a quick wave and let herself back into the house.

Eliza took another sip of her coffee. Gabby was smart and beautiful. She seemed like a phenomenal woman that Walker was lucky to have. Eliza had a hard time holding this truth and the fact that she still loved Walker in at the same time.

A half hour later, she rose from her chair having let all of her emotions out in her journal. When she needed to write everything flowed out of her effortlessly. She'd always been drawn to that style of processing. Her journal was sacred. It was safe. It was where she could say everything and anything and not have it be wrong or weird to anyone else.

"Woah, hey there." She bumped into Ben as she headed out of the kitchen.

"Hey sorry I didn't see you." A drop of coffee had splashed onto the floor and she wiped it up with her sock.

"No no, it was all me. Listen if you're heading upstairs and see Walker, tell him I'm leaving in ten will you?"

"Leaving for what?"

"Going for a run around the neighborhood. He said he would join last night but let's see if he sticks by his word." Ben gave her a friendly punch in the forearm before headed towards the coffee pot.

Eliza turned and headed for the living room. The door to the den was closed with she was assuming, Gabby behind it. She climbed the stairs, more conscious of her coffee and when she reached the top she was steadied by Walker's arms around her own.

"Hey, you have to look where you're going." He said playfully.

"Sorry, sorry." She tried to pull back from him.

"Woah, you're going to fall down the stairs. Why not move away from them first?" He guided her away from the landing and she could feel her cheeks burning red.

"Anymore coffee left for me?" He peaked into her cup and she pulled it closer to her chest.

"Ben is looking for you." She watched as he switched from flirtatious back to his normal self.

"Oh yea? What for?" he took a step back from her and she felt like she couldn't breath anymore. Having him close to her was oddly more calming then when he was far away.

"He's leaving for a run and you said you'd go with him."

"Damn it." He mumbled under his breath. "I'll go sort it out. We're going to drive to the lighthouse today. Want to come?" Eliza desperately wanted to go but she didn't want to be around all that love.

"I don't know. I might head to the beach."

"You're going to the beach after we were all there last night? You're quite unpredictable aren't you." He smiled at her and she knew this smile. It was his, 'I'm messing with you because I like you' smile. She wasn't in the mood for it.

"You went to the beach without me last night. I haven't been yet this weekend." The tone of her voice made him drop the smile from his face.

"Oh. Right. Sorry. Yes I forgot you weren't there." Eliza physically recoiled from his words and he must have noticed.

"I didn't mean it to sound so blunt. You were missed."

"No I wasn't. You didn't even notice I wasn't there."

"I missed you Eliza." When he said her name on the rare occasion her entire body changed. It lit up from the inside out and she could feel her icy exterior thawing.

"You don't have to lie to me. I am not very memorable." Now she was just playing the victim card and she knew it.

"Hey." He reached a hand out stopping just short of touching her arm. "You're memorable." He changed his tone from serious to playful. "In fact, I have countless memories with you. Many of which I enjoy immensely." He gave her a wink and headed downstairs. Eliza walked into her bedroom and closed the door, leaning against it for dramatic effect. Walker Andrews was a roller-coaster and she wanted off.