"What if?" A Levihan and Eremika story

Chapter 3 - A celebration to remember

Mikasa's pov

I lay on my top bunk, staring at the wooden ceiling and focusing on the little chips missing from the pine wood. The springs in the mattress dug into my back, and my thin white blanket covered only half of my body, providing little warmth. I fiddled with the blanket using my fingertips. It was late, and I was exhausted, yet I couldn't sleep. I can never seem to sleep anymore. How am I supposed to sleep when it’s this quiet?

I used to complain a lot about the noise she made. I would snap at her, telling her to be quiet so I could sleep. I called her obnoxious and annoying, and I was often mean to her. But now, this silence? I would choose her constant talking over this any day. The deafening silence feels louder than all of her silly stories combined.

"I'm sorry Sasha. I'm sorry I was so mean to you. I do care about you. I promise. I don't really hate you. I don't actually think you're a shitty roommate. I'm sorry that I said those words to you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I could feel my head beginning to throb as a weight formed behind my eyes. My lips wobbled, and I had to cover my mouth to stifle a sob. Rolling over to my side, I faced away from the white stone wall. I cuddled up to my tattered blanket and gently cried into it.

"Mikasa...why are you crying?" My ears pricked up as I jumped at the sound of Sasha's hushed voice coming from beneath me.

"Sasha?! I'm not crying I- I just have a cold. Why aren't you asleep?" I ask, whispering. She whimpered and let out a tiny sob.

"Hurts." I heard her groan through gritted teeth. I hopped down from my bunk bed. My hair was a complete mess, and I was wearing a long-sleeved grey gown that came down past my knees. I turned on an oil lamp that sat on a wooden desk by our beds next to my folded-up scarf. Sasha's face was ashy and sweaty, tears brimmed her eyes which she squeezed shut, her hand gripping onto her left shoulder tightly. I kneeled beside her, placing a hand on her arm. I'm not the best at comforting people, to be honest, I'm not really sure what to do in this situation.

"Do you want me to see if I can get some pain relief? I can go get a doctor-"

"No. Doesn't help." She cut me off, her voice cracking as she began to sniffle. It's weird. How can I miss someone when I'm looking right at them?

"Are you okay?" I asked her sympathetically.

"Yeah." She responded with a wobbly voice.

"Come on. You haven't been yourself since you got shot. I understand you're tired, but.. even the last time you were injured, you were still...you know, you? So what's going on?" I asked her; she opened up her big brown eyes as they filled with tears, her lips wobbled.

"Sasha..." I whispered, keeping my hand placed on her arm.

"When everyone thought I was dead. Tell me what people were saying about me again." She composed herself and spoke in a deep and melancholic voice. Not acting like our Sasha at all.

"They said that you were kind and nurturing, and innocent. And that you don't deserve to die." I told her kindly. But her eyes only began to well up again, this time flowing down her cheeks and landing on her pillow.

"People probably thought that about the people I killed." She sobbed. She continued to cry, wiping her tears away with her sleeve.

"I'm sure people felt the same about the people I killed. But you only got shot because you were too kind to shoot a child." I told her, although it came out a lot colder than I intended it to.

"I killed her people in front of her, though. And then... people hated her, Mikasa. Even my little sister. My sweet and innocent little Kaya wanted her dead. I don't blame the girl for what she did. I killed her people in front of her." She spoke through her tears.