𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐔𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐀 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 [𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝]

⟹ 𝐢𝐯. 𝐢 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐬𝐨 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮

𝐨𝐫, 𝐒.𝐑. 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝟓-𝟖

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

September 12, 20—

Attached to this entry are a photocopied version of my results from my neurologist, the MRI scans and my therapist's recommended readings. I shall have to go through them soon, but it seems that the conclusion could be summed up into one line: 

My brain has sustained trauma

Both external, physical trauma from the bomb explosion, and the internal, psychological trauma of going through such an experience—and, truthfully, every other experience I've gone through in my years of being with the BAU. I've always thought I was good at compartmentalizing, and after fifteen years in service, I would be doing it so easily. Age meant experience, after all, and more experience meant more practice.

Unfortunately, that seems like it isn't the case for me right now. Perhaps there's nowhere else to compartmentalize in my head, and the trauma's catching up to me. My therapist told me not to think that way, and I know that's not logical, but at this point, nothing is really logical.

The dreams continue. I still cannot see her face, not clearly. Just the vague outline of her eyes, the rosebud mouth. And the hair. Long and abundant. Something about it made me itch to run my fingers through the strands, and she'd let me sometimes. I remember every single thing she had told me, most of which I have also disclosed on the next page. 

My therapist said to try to engage with the woman, that perhaps it will help me resolve any past issues with Maeve.

The problem was, it's not Maeve. She said it herself. She laughed when I called her Maeve. But then if she wasn't Maeve, then who was she? 

I am tempted to ask Garcia to do a search on her, but what am I even going to ask? “Hey, do you mind looking through our database to find this girl I've been dreaming about?” They'll think I've gone completely delusional…

Is that it? Is this schizophrenia rearing its ugly head? But, no, no, it can't be. The results from my scans are all here. It's not early onset schizophrenia, it's just… her.

This is a frustrating experience. I have scoured my collection for every book on dreams I have, as well as checked out the libraries nearby. I've requested to borrow their books as well. Everything from psychoanalysis to scholarly takes on divination and astrology. I cannot let a stone go unturned, as they say. 

I will find out who she is, one way or another.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: * the next page ☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───