Obsessed Mafia/Kim Namjoon FF

NOTICE

Hello everyone....
sorry for udating very late , it's just i don't have enough time , my exams are going to start soon...

A few days ago I had a fight with my friend over a call and in a fit of anger I smashed the phone against the wall and the display went off.....

My phone is already very old some like 10 years and when my father took it to the shop to get it repaired, the shopkeeper said that this phone may not get repaired....

And along with that, as you all know, my exams are also coming, so I thought I should take a break for a few days.... I mean, now I will post in January ....

by then , i might be able to come out of this depression i am suffering from....

guys it's very hard very very hard to survive when you got to know that you got tricked by a person who you used to think.your whole world.....

Last time when I was discussing this with one of my reader, I messaged him,and what he said left me speech less he said he was using me and just was taking his revenge.... after that day I tried everything. I tried hating him, I tried forgiving him, I got angry, I cried, I left everything but nothing is working at all, rather all these things made me fall in love even more ......

It was his mistake but I still sit blaming myself, I don't understand what to do, I don't know why I love him so freaking much ......

It's been 7 months since I met to him , and started considering him as my life .but I am still not able to get over that pain. I am unable to understand what should I do. I tried forgot about him but everything went waste.

Look, it is my habit that whenever I miss him ,I go and sit on the fourth floor and yesterday I was literally crying, I mean I myself did not want this but still I was crying hard....

My sister knows about all these things and recently she too has a boyfriend but whenever she calls me I start crying. Cause i honestly do feel bad , am i really that bad to deserve all this , I had told everyone that now I don't care about him, I have jerk off him but when i gets flashbacks, I cry bit by bit and my heart always shatered into million of pieces....

I don't understand anything, what should I do, how should I do it, I just remember him, yesterday I was begging to God to send him back to me , I don't understand, since when did this i started acting this crazily.....

" i swear ahjussi , i would never hurt you again , i swear please come back to me "

" i am really sorry on behalf of whoever hurt you, i myself won't hurt yoh , never ever"

this is what i was mumbling last night....
while crying badly.... i injured myself by hitting my right hand on the wall continuously for like 10-20 times....

and you know what the worst part is , today i have to write a two page essay in my school....

huh!!!... and now my right hand is trembling.....
it's shaking ..........

i am honestly so done with mylife.... i tried to attempt suicide for two times but somehow i survived.....

idk why i am acting like this..... i just love him more than anything ........

my friends told me to date any other boy but i can't just use someone like that for myself.....

this is not what am i....

and yk what i was in a fckin online relationship....
i know most of you will say it's just attraction and i am stupid and all but still i just love him yrrr...

now ig i need to go ,hope to see you guys soon!!...

love yaaaa!!!...

~Lisss🎀