Drowning (Short Story)

Drowning: A Short Story

You saw it happen before I did.

Makes sense. You've always been more attentive than me.

More experienced than me.

Better than me...

Feels kinda attention-seeking to even call it a 'near-death' experience.

We weren't that deep. If I'd needed to, I probably could have made it to the surface.

I didn't need to. Like a good buddy, you were barely 3 metres away from me when you noticed.

You looked puzzled, then asked me how much air I had left.

I'd just checked my gauge, so I flashed '170 Bar' with my fingers.

I remember you looking confused still, so I looked at my gauge as a sanity check.

I saw the needle drop below the '25 Bar' mark with alarming speed.

I felt like I was paralysed, looking at it drop further and further into the red.

You looked so calm as you handed me your octopus, and slowly led me to the surface.

I'm sorry if I was holding your hand too tightly.

I didn't start to panic until we were back on the surface.

You got us back on the boat. We were both ok...

An O-ring had blown in my regulator set, causing my tank to leak air rapidly.

It was immensely unlikely, but immensely unlikely things still happened...

It must have happened just after I had last checked my air gauge, hence why I didn't notice.

Just bad luck.

You held me close, and said that I did everything I was supposed to do.

You said you were proud of me.

You said I didn't panic...

It didn't feel like it...

Maybe I would have noticed the leak if I hadn't been distracted... by...

I managed to hold off crying until we were halfway home. I wanted to earlier, but my body didn't let me.

Maybe I was subconsciously trying to avoid the embarrassment of crying in front of other people...

I didn't want to look pathetic...

Once you had stopped the car safely, you leaned over, and hugged me really tight.

Told me you loved me, that you weren't going anywhere.

I could see the tears in your eyes.

I felt... Guilty.

I still do.

You saved my life... and I can't even bring myself to tell you the truth...

All the pain and heartache I've caused you...

You knew I was keeping stuff from you... From everyone...

I remember the look in your eyes, as we were about to ascend, while you were methodically deploying the DSMB so that we wouldn't get run over by a boat.

You looked scared.

That's when I realised... that...

I haven't told you this part...

I didn't want you to worry...

As I held onto your arm...

I realised that...