CD archives

Well, that didn't work

In the last year of April, he finally left. He cut me off and blocked me on every social media. He had one of his freakouts and he talked sometimes about leaving because he knew the things he said and did were wrong. He knew he was unstable and wanted to get better. He didn't want to force me to stay with him. He didn't want to end up hurting me. He told me to look for someone better. He made me promise to not let anyone treat me like he did. A week after he messaged me on Pinterest I deleted our conversation a while ago so I don't remember exactly what he said but he told me he missed me and we did talk on there for a while but then he left again and he blocked me on there too. When he first told me he was leaving I was broken. I begged and begged him to stay but he didn't. I cried until the sun rose that morning and I just wanted to lay in bed all day and cry more. Even though I feel hurt now and I'm kinda glad he's gone. I've never felt like that for anyone before. The second time I kind of just let it happen I didn't fight because I knew he wasn't going to listen to me. It's officially been 1 year since we've talked kinda hard to believe. Kind of crazy, how I wasn't even thinking about him until I got another boyfriend a few months after his name was bit. He wasn't exactly like CD, though he did cheat on me, a few times and he cheated WITH me a few times, but that's a story for another time. He did tell me you the first week we were dating, that he would kill and die for me, and that was what really set me off after he told me that I had a panic attack on my bedroom floor and cried for the next 3 hours. And ever since then, CD has all I've been thinking about, I can't sleep without having my blinds closed every time I shower, I have to make sure that the window is closed and locked and that the doors locked to. I sleep with my bedroom door locked every night. And every time something even slightly reminds me of him, I go in panic mode. And I'm unable to function or even think clearly. I hope to whoever is reading this, if you had a similar experience, or if you're going through a similar experience, I am so sorry, please, please do whatever you can to heal and help yourself, talk to a doctor, I'm currently talking to my own. I'm still trying to work out my problems, I'm still trying to heal from this whole experience, it's been rough. But it's necessary. And whoever people who are going to comment, oh, I would love a stalker boyfriend serial killer boys are so hot, kindly shut the hell up, I'm so sick of talking about my experience to other people and they just end up romanticizing about it. Sure, I get people have their own fetishes, but keep that yourself, please. Don't fantasize over other people's trauma. And to CD if you're somehow reading this if you're not reading this. I hope you're better. I'm glad I was the one who made you realize you needed to get better, but I'm sorry, I wasn't the one you could be better for.