CARNIVORE [MxM+]

Chapter 34 [Revised]

Tycho Black.

NOTHING. I AMOUNT TO NOTHING. I tried to sigh away the feeling of defeat in my chest. It didn't really work.

I don't know how long it's been since I left the house. I just went where my feet took me. I drifted for hours, ignoring everything that existed past the confines of my mind. I felt nothing and saw nothing. I didn't hear, taste, or feel. Not anymore. I wasn't me, and my body was on autopilot, like it was a separate entity. 

I was glad the three didn't come after me. They probably thought I could use some me-time. Sick laughter echoed through my brain at the thought. Whatever laughed seemed to mock me.

Who the fuck are you kidding here? They don't care. Be real for once.

For a moment, I regained control of my limbs and took in my surroundings as fast as I could, knowing I'd slip away again. Surprisingly, I didn't end up outside my house. Instead, I landed a block away from it-- I was at Benny's, the convenience store where I always bought Jason his beer. The shock almost made me normal again, but I was right. I felt myself slip away when the flickering LED's above me hummed with electricity. I was nothing.

It was automatic: I stepped inside and made my way to the coolers in the back of the store. I bent down and grabbed a twelve-pack of Coronas, the beer that Jason swore up and down was the best on earth (even though it tasted like shit). 

I drifted to the front counter. To my astonishment, I didn't recognize the cashier. It was someone else, an older man, with wrinkles around his eyes and on his cheeks. He was short and bent from long years of factory work, contorting his body into something painful and broken. He gave me a once-over through the wiry glasses perched on his nose, then didn't hesitate to ask me for some ID. I was so used to not being carded that I completely forgot.

My body laughed at his request, not asking my brain how to respond. Involuntarily, my mouth told him that I hadn't been carded in a long time. He chuckled with me, but was visibly skeptical. I reached into my front pocket and felt for my wallet, shocked to feel it there. I didn't remember grabbing it before I left the house. 

I handed him my fake ID along with some money, and he sent me on my way. But before I met the sliding doors, I turned around.

"What happened to that other kid who used to work here, sir?"

He seemed to think for a moment. I knew the moment he remembered who I was talking about because his face became bitter. "Oh, him. He was fired for selling alcohol to a bunch of teenagers. He was never hard-working, that boy. I never wanted to hire him in the first place, but his mother begged me. I can't say no to her."

Now that I actually laughed at. 

When I got back to Alexei's house, I found it quiet. The lights in some rooms were still left on, but nobody was there to keep them warm. I kicked the moisture off my shoes at the entrance and expected to be flooded with fake tenderness and love, but they weren't even in the living room. In fact, the house was so desolate and dark that the only reason I knew they were here was that their cars were parked in the front. Whatever, I knew they didn't care anyway. I forced all thoughts of them from my mind and headed toward my bedroom. 

As I twisted the knob, life suddenly came back to me. That stupor was gone, and my heart dropped at the thought of what I was about to do. I tended to avoid alcohol for a few reasons-- one, I hallucinated depending on how much I drank. Two, it reminded me too much of Jason, and I never wanted to think about him again. 

I quietly entered the room and locked the door behind me. I set the twelve-pack onto my desk, ignoring the various assignment papers it crushed in the process. I pulled out my chair and sat at my desk. My mind began to race, the cowardice in me trying to form any reason not to do this. But the last thing I needed to do right now was think.