Lost and Found

Chapter One

Winter

I turn over in bed, causing the duvet to ruffle slightly, groaning. Forcing open my eyes, I look at the clock.

12:30.

Groggily, I reach for my phone and turn it on to see I have a notification:

1 missed call: Mum

"Mmhh..." I groan into my pillow, burying my face in it for a few seconds, before turning my head back and unlocking my phone, clicking on the drag-down bar on the notification and pressing 'Call back'.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings...

"Hey sweetie."

"Mmh... hi Mum..." I yawn, my eyes closing as I sink further into my mattress under the duvet, my phone pressed to my ear.

"You okay?" She asks softly. "Did I wake you up? You sound out of it."

"Mmhh..." I mumble, yawning.

She's silent for a second, before "Sorry, sweetie."

"Mmhhmm..." I yawn. "It's fine..."

"You sure baby? It's gone twelve, you don't normally sleep this late."

"Mmhhmmh..." I let my eyes fall closed again, my eyelids heavy.

She pauses.

"Sweetie?" She asks softly.

"Mmmh...?" I murmur.

"You okay?" She asks gently.

I yawn quietly, not replying for a few seconds as I blink slowly, unsure whether the watering of my eyes is from sheer exhaustion or tears, before eventually whispering tiredly, "Mmhhmmh, yeah, I'm good."

She's silent again.

"You sure, sweetie? You don't sound like it."

I yawn.

She pauses.

"Hey, Winter... I know you don't like talking about your feelings, but I also know that losing your Grandfather has been really hard for you, baby... and sweetie, it's still so recent, no one's expecting you to be okay yet... if you need to talk to us, about anything, you can. We're always here, baby."

I stay silent, and I feel a tear roll down my cheek. This time, I know it's not from exhaustion.

"But sweetie, please get up for me... trust me baby, I know it hurts, but staying in bed won't help.

Another tear, because past me heard those words way too often, and I'm scared to have to hear them again.

I let my eyes fall heavy again.

She takes a breath.

"Hey, sweetie... if there's something you need to tell me, it's okay..."

Oh god, there it is. She thinks I'm depressed again.

...

Maybe I am.

"Mum, it's not that..." I say quietly.

She pauses.

"Then why are you always so exhausted, even though you sleep way longer than you used to? You used to get up at around ten, all the time, now it's quarter to one and you're only awake because I called you."

Another tear.

"And you always seem so down and so distant now, ever since he died. I know you're grieving, but it seems like so much more than that. You used to call me or Dad every morning, as soon as you got up, to say 'Good morning', without fail. Now we have to call you because at lunch time you're still asleep. We haven't seen you once since he died, we used to see you all the time. You're isolating yourself. We miss you. You used to stay on the phone with us for ages, now you hang up way earlier, and we know it's to go cry. We can hear it in your voice when you say bye. You used to talk to us for ages when you called us, asking how we were, if we want to come over, you love us, you miss us. You've barely said a word to me or your Dad. You've changed. And you think you hide it so well, but we're your parents, we see everything. And you say you're not relapsing with your mental health, you're not depressed, but I don't believe you. And I'm worried. So please, baby, talk to me. I'll listen."

...

"Mum, I... I-I'm sorry..."

...

"No, baby, don't be sorry... you've got nothing to be sorry about, it's okay."

"I-I just... I-I miss him..." I sob a little.

"I know, baby... I know. We all do. But it's going to be okay, I promise."

"I-I... I do love you, I promise. A-And I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you as much, and said that."

"We know, baby. We know. And we love you too. It's okay."

"I-It's just... I don't want to really hang out with anyone at the moment, I just need some time..."

"And we appreciate that baby, but we want to see you... we miss you. And your Dad, sweetie, he's just lost his Father, you've lost your Grandfather, he wants to be able to comfort his son, sweetie, I do too, but we've not seen you." She says gently. "Maybe seeing someone and having that comfort would even help, baby."

"I... o-okay... I-I'll invite you over at some point, soon, but I just need some more time, please..."

"Okay sweetie, that's alright. Thank you."

"Mmh..."

"Hey, sweetie, how about you go for a walk? Clear your mind." She says softly.

I sigh, wiping my eyes.

"Yeah... alright, I will. Thanks..."

"No problem, sweetie. I love you."

"Mmh, I love you too."

"Bye sweetie."

"Bye."

***

I walk through the park, breathing in the scent of fresh air as it brushes against my skin, trying to let my mind go blank.

Just as I take a breath, I'm caught off guard by what sounds like a small child sobbing. Looking around, I start to search the area, as I can't seem to hear a parent comforting them: just the consistent cries.

I turn into a bush, where I jump at the sight of a small boy curled into himself in the bush, sobbing his heart out, his worn, white hoodie far too big and beyond dirty, clutching a teddy bear of the exact same condition to his chest, and still looking unbelievably hungry, and potentially malnourished and underfed, despite the five sizes too big hoodie.

He looks up at me, the very definition of vulnerability, his young eyes wide, fearful and tearful.

My heart stops.