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drunk part 2

🤰~7th of December~🫂

I saw billie pull to the address. I was so nervous. I walked to the car. Billie opened the door.

Okay, what did you do? Your neck is full of hickeys. She said. Oh shit I forgot.

I..uh sex? I said bit embarrassed. I didn't wanna tell her that I didn't know if he use condom or not.

Oh fuck you y/n do you know did he use condom or not? Billie asked. I wasn't gonna say I wasn't sure so I lied.

Yeah he used I saw. I lied. She nodded. I don't know if she belived me or not. Billie started driving home.

Do you know how mad mom is gonna be? I asked.

No I don't but she said that you are getting grounded for a month. No phones and no friends mom is gonna homeschool you that month. Billie said.

Ugh nice maybe it was wrong to come home. I muttered.

What did you say?! Billie said. Fuck I didn't want her to hear that.

Nothing. I said quickly. I looked out of the window.

After few minutes we were home. I saw that finneas was here too. We got inside. I didn't even wanna look my family. I was gonna go straight to my room, but mom stopped me.

Y/n what were you thinking you know you can't drink until you are 21 AND DRUGS!!? Maggie said.

And hickeys what did you do that night?! Maggie said.

Uh I don't know I was dumb okay I don't know I had sex with a guy! I said. I hold my tears in my eyes.

You are grounded for one month give me your phone. Maggie said. I gave her my phone and walked straight to my room. I locked my door. Fuck I was dumb. I wanted to scream and cry. What the fuck I was thinking. Fuck that promise I did my family. I said then 3 years ago I am doing self harm again, but fuck that promise.

⚠️ I still had my blades. I took one. Okay just couple cuts it's my fault so I need to punish myself. I took my dress off and changed into sweatpants. I took bandage  next to me. I took paper and band-aids. I did 4 deep cuts. Oh that felt good. I didn't even remember when was the last time that felt so good. I cleaned my cuts and put on band-aids and top of it bandage. Then I put on a black hoodie. I hid the blade and the other things I put on the trash.⚠️

Then I heard mom yelling all of us to lunch. I opened my door. I went to the table. I didn't look anyone I only looked the plate. Finneas sat next to me. He looked me, but I didn't look back. Maggie put the food to the table.

I took a bit of the food and bit vegetables. I started eating my food. I didn't even realize that my hoodie sleeve was going down. Billie stopped eating and looked me in shock. And soon the whole family looked me. I looked up bit confused. Then I saw that my hoodie sleeve was down. I pushed my food away and walked quickly to my room locking the door with me. Shit I should be more careful. Am I going to mental hospital or what. I really don't wanna open the door, but I somehow did. And there I saw my whole family. I looked them all. Billie pulled me into a big ass hug. Oh I loved this hugs. I sobbed into her arms. I didn't know what to do. They should be mad that I broke the promise, but here they are, no one is yelling me.

I am sorry. I say with teary eyes. I don't wanna look them to the eyes.

Y/n, maybe it's better to go to the therapist again. Finneas said. I really didn't wanna go there. It didn't help. I just faked that it helped, and then when Evelyn came to my life, she helped me through it.

Please, I don't wanna go there again. I said. I didn't wanna tell them that it never worked. They would then 100% yell at me then.

But y/n can't you see you did it again. We don't have other options. Maggie said.