Stray Kids Oneshots & Sickfics

Jisung: Fading Beats

•Skz: Han Jisung
•Angst
•CW: Strong mental health themes, eating and sleeping abnormalities, descriptions of depression, mental breakdown.
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As the bright lights of the stage flickered off, Jisung collapsed onto the couch in the dressing room, wiping the sweat from his brow. The roar of the audience still echoed in his mind, but the excitement he once felt had dulled. His heart wasn't in it anymore. The applause, the flashing cameras, the screaming fans - it all felt distant, like he was watching someone else's life unfold.

It wasn't that he didn't love his bandmates or the fans. He did. But lately, every performance felt like a heavy weight pulling him down. The once invigorating rush of performing, the joy of releasing a new album, and the adrenaline of practice sessions had slowly turned into an endless cycle. Each day felt the same. Get up, practice, perform, repeat. He couldn't remember when it had stopped feeling like a dream.

Jisung had been part of the group since their debut, alongside his other bandmates. They had all come from different backgrounds, each of them bringing a unique energy to the group. Jisung had always been the most passionate, the one who kept pushing himself beyond his limits. But now, even the smallest tasks felt like insurmountable obstacles.

"Han, are you okay?" Chan, the leader of the group, asked, sitting down beside him. His voice was quiet, the concern in his eyes barely masked. The rest of the group had gone to the hotel to unwind, but Chan had lingered, watching his friend with a growing sense of unease.

Jisung forced a smile, a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, just tired," he said, his voice flat. "It's nothing."

Chan didn't buy it. He had known Jisung too long to be fooled by a simple answer. "You haven't been yourself lately," he said gently. "I've seen the way you're moving on stage - it's like you're going through the motions. You've been quieter during practice, and you barely talk when we're hanging out. Is something going on?" Chan was no stranger to the harshness of depression and mental illness. He knew first hand what it was like to feel totally lost and to see his first Stray Kid struggling was like a knife to the heart.

Jisung hesitated, his fingers tracing the seams of his jacket. He wanted to say something, but the words felt stuck in his throat. He had tried to talk to his members before, but every time, it felt like he was burdening them. He didn't want to disappoint them. They were all so full of energy, so passionate about the group. He didn't want to be the one who brought them down.

"It's just... everything's a little overwhelming," he muttered, his gaze drifting to the floor. "I'm not sure I want this anymore."

Chan blinked, caught off guard. "What? What do you mean? Want what?"

"This." Jisung gestured vaguely at the dressing room, at the walls plastered with posters, at the equipment scattered around. "The concerts, the training, the constant schedules... It feels like I'm living in a world where I'm just going through the motions. I don't feel connected to the music anymore, or the fans. It's like... I'm losing myself."

Chan's expression softened, his hand resting on Jisung's shoulder. "You've been through a lot, Jisungie. But you're not alone in this. We're a team. If you're struggling, we can all help you."

Jisung looked up, meeting Chan's eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. The words were there, sitting on the tip of his tongue, but they were still hard to say. "I just... I don't know who I am anymore, hyung. I thought I loved this, but now, I'm just lost."

Before Chan could respond, the door opened, and the other members of the group walked in. They all stopped when they saw the two of them, sensing the tension in the air.