My Mate Is A Potato

A POTATO MOFOS

*Alex Slutboy POV*

Walking into the cafeteria I could already see my girlfriend waving at me from our table.

The insane fangirl - like yelling should start in one...two...three...now.

"Alex! Alex! Over here Alex! Do you see me Alex?! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex come over here Alex! Do you hear me Alex!?"

Oh I heard her all right...and so did all of Whoreville, Oregon.

Walking over Barbie ceased her calling and patted the seat next to her, then hugged me as I sat down. "Hey my little boobsums. How's your day been?" I asked. The only reason I was with her were her boobs, so her nickname was appropriate. She didn't even mind.

My little baka...

"Good, but we're going shopping after school at 5 still. Right?"

I nodded and then we ate in peace. Well, she ate in peace at least. I didn't eat at all.

After eating she kissed me and waved while going off to who knows where. Probably to make out with her side ho, good thing she has me so that she doesn't date some slut or manwhore.

Ah, my responsibilities in this world...

I got up and threw away my food, which I hadn't touched yet since I didn't like the salad here. Why did I even get that salad anyways?

Going through the rest of school which consisted of boring classes I started heading back towards the pack house through a path at the back of school. Shifting into my wolf form halfway through, after taking off my glasses, I held my backpack and clothes in my mouth and ran, too lazy to walk as a human any longer.

I decided to run a bit longer in the woods since I honestly hated homework and will probably be procrastinating like this till late. Also, that date later with Barbie will help me a bit with the procrastinating.

After about an hour of running I stopped and headed over to the pack house, slightly out of breath. Backpack in teeth and clothes discarded somewhere. They're used to this by now. I mean, we're all werewolves so since everyone runs in wolf form it'd be normal by now.

Walking in my dad said hi to me but I ignored him and his growling about respect. I think the only thing holding him back from coming up here and giving me a speech about how 'even if I was his son he'd still be given the respect he deserved' was my mom. He'd probably let it slide if it was my brother, he is the one getting the Alpha position after all. While I was stuck here being a runt.

Why do I have Barbie as a girlfriend even...oh wait, I think she thinks I'm a flatchested tomboy. She did refer to me as she once...

Walking into my room I locked the door and laid on my bed naked. Grabbing my phone and glasses from my backpack on the floor I started looking at pictures of models I had on there and played music. I changed it to Pornhub and looked up some porn, I found some really good stuff and smiled in exitement. But just as I started the doorbell rang and I looked at the time.

5:10

Oh, she's ten minutes late and I still need to get dressed, damn. Grabbing a random shirt with pants I pulled them on and looked in the mirror. They actually matched. Wow, didn't expect that.

"Alex, your girlfriend is here!" I heard my brother yell, even though I was already walking down the stairs towards them. Barbie came up to me and gave me a crushing hug as I just gave a suffocated chuckle.

"Come on Alex, I wanna see you in something other than those guy clothes you wear everyday. We need to get you a dress for the school dance." Barbie informed me as I felt the blood drain from my face.

"A d-dress?" I stuttered. Okay, so she does think I'm just a flatchested tomboy. My brother was holding in laughs from behind her and I glared at him.

"Yeah sweetie, you have the cutest figure but you're always wearing guy clothes. You need to wear a dress every once in a while." She said sweetly while putting a hand around my waist. My brother was walking up to us now with a cocky ass smile on his face.

That little fucker is enjoying this! The mother fucker should go choke on a potato.

"Yeah, sis. You never wear anything girly anymore. You used to wear dresses all the time when you were little!" My brother James said, shit smile still on his lips. He was reffering to when my mom got away with dressing me up as a girl to fulfill her dreams of participating in little girl beauty pageants. But she dressed me as a girl all the time.

It was a traumatizing experience, especially when I lost at the major 2004 yearly competition to Ann Marie Taylor after 5 years in a row of winning since I was 1.

"You did?! Oh, you'll have to show me pictures later okay boo?" She asked me.

Boobs, boobs, boobs. Remember why you're with her. The boobs.

"Of course boobsum." I chuckled awkwardly. My brother then started pushing us out the door with a smirk on his face. He probably thinks that smirk is attractive.

Your smirk isn't attractive you little shit.

"Oh really, I'd beg to differ." His thoughts reached to me. That nosy little mind intruding whore.

"Bye! Have fun you two love birds!" Alex wasn't being serious of course, he knows that Barbie isn't my mate.

"We will!" Barbie yelled back at him while leading me towards her car, a pink convertible. Honestly, Barbie matched her name. Blonde, perfect body, bright blue eyes, owns pink everything. "We'll have to hurry or Always69 will close."

"Oh, of course." I responded, not really caring about this date as much as I did before anymore. If she makes me do homework while we're there then this will officially not be worth it. At all.

Not even for the boobs.

As we pulled into the parking lot I could see the Always69 store from where we were. It's girly dresses and short shorts visible on the window display.

Why aren't I telling her I'm a guy?

"We're here!" She sang loudly while putting the car in park, right in front of the store too so I could see all the girly clothing in there. Heels and skirts, bras way in the back with panties. Lots of girls though, perfect for checking out. Watch out Little Red Riding Hoods because Big Bad Wolf is here.

Getting out of the car and walking in she locked the door and grabbed my arm, rendering me helpless of escape. But not really, just too lazy to escape.

We walked in and I was immediately hit by a wonderful scent.

Mate.

Oh my fucking god who the fuck said that?!

...your wolf. You stupid excuse for a werewolf.

Um, wouldn't that also be insulting yourself...

Shut up. Find. Your. Mate.

I was just standing in place now as Barbie tried to drag me away forcibly, I snapped out of it and looked around. Finding the scent coming from the direction of the other stores. Pulling out of Barbie's grasp I ran towards the scent as Barbie called after me.

Following the scent I eventually reached a store that sold different foods and cooking supply type stuff. As I ran through it I eventually found that the scent led towards a corner bucket. Going towards the bucket warily I looked inside and saw...

A potato.

It wasn't a fairy like I had thought possible since the bucket wasn't too large. It was a potato.

I picked up the potato and looked around. The girl at the cash register looked at me warily and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Do you want that potato? Um, if you do it'll be two dollars." I nodded at her and handed her the two dollars then run off.

I run off happily with my potato mate.