The Easiest Target

He Didn't Leave Me

I don't know if Carla knows I'm at the library every lunch period or not but that's where she is today. She doesn't see me walk in from the back entrance of the library. She's sitting at the front desk with the librarian, a stern-looking, young teacher probably just a bit older than us. He's usually friendly as long as people are quiet.

Carla lounges on the receptionists desk while the librarian glares at her. She's too busy texting on her phone to notice. I sit as far away from her as possible at a desk partially hidden behind an aisle of books.

I see her head snap up when Tokyo walks in smiling to himself. I sink out of my seat and hide under the table behind the bookshelf. I hold my backpack tight beside me as they get closer. This is my usual seat and Tokyo knows it.

"Hey, you," Carla says to Toki flirtatiously. "Do you wanna go somewhere after school?"

"I have detention," he says. "For the rest of the ye—Uh...." He doesn't talk after that. I glance at their legs through the scattered books on the bottom shelf. They're standing close but I can't see what they're doing past their hips.

"Oi," Tokyo says abruptly and Carla stumbles backward, like he pushed her. "Piss off."

"Aw, how cute. You're shy. You don't have to be." She steps closer and Tokyo moves back. She doesn't relent. She holds him up against a bookshelf and leans her weight onto him. My chest clenches tight and my hand presses hard to my mouth and nose but I can't look away.

"Let's go somewhere private and talk."

She's moved back again. Gentler this time. "Are you that desperate for attention that you'd beg for it from someone uninterested?"

"I'm not desperate. Why would I ever be?" she says and you can hear the smirk on her lips.

I try to cover my ears but my left arm is still strapped to my body and useless so I hear it all.

"You're acting like it."

"I'm just trying to do you a favor."

"Doing me a favor or trying to hurt Azan now that he's finally found someone you can never compare to?" he asks, pretending to be curious.

"Your mouth is a lot bigger than I thought it would be," she whispers, closing the gap between them. She gets on her toes then stumbles back: Tokyo shoved her.

"Stay the hell away from me," Tokyo says coldly.

Carla laughs. "You're an asshole. You like shoving women around?"

"You're a parasite, not a woman," Tokyo says. "Go download a personality before your skin starts to wrinkle and the only reason people put up with your pathetic attitude disappears."

Both of them get kicked out of the library. I tell myself to get out from under the table but my legs are numb, my hand shaking over my mouth. I close my eyes tight and a couple of tears roll out.

Toki's voice echoes over and over again in my head, something confusing and unfamiliar swelling in my chest that I can't exactly call unpleasant.

I hunch forward and rest my forehead to my knees, crying for reasons I can't understand. No matter how I look at it, she just tried to assault him. I feel Chandler's body pressed again my back all over again and start to panic.

"Ya Allah.... Ya Allah ...." I repeat it until I find a bit of composure.

Did Tokyo feel the same way I felt when Chandler hurt me? I doubt it. He's never in real danger from her. I didn't have the luxury of gender choice when I was assaulted.