Into Darkness We Walk

Broken

"Stay asleep, please; I need to get a tonna shit out of my head and off my chest before I spontaneously combust."

Evan's voice broke through Gavin's dreamless sleep, but even though he was half-awake he followed his instructions and kept his eyes shut.

"I don't want'cha to be awake for this; it ain't pretty, and I'm not particularly pround of it."

Silence, and then he spoke. "I grew up in a lot of different places; home, foster care, cars, jail, home again. I can't remember being in one place for more than a few days at a time when I was in foster care, mostly because I ran away, but mostly because I was a hard kid to take care of.

"I can't remember the last time I was in foster care; I might still be, but I'm not sure. I'm guessing not, because the walls have family pictures, so it has to be my real home, right? Maybe.

"The power went out a long time ago. My parents can't afford to pay it, so we're stuck in the dark. You get used to it after a couple weeks, which for me was... years ago, maybe?

"I ain't had a decent meal in years, and fast-food don't count. The only time I was ever really treated with respect was when I hung out with Maxyne; you remember her, right? Only girl I never hit on, a real bro. She let me hang out at her old apartment, eat her food, go on her computer, stuff like that. She was legit.

"But then I had to go and screw it all up by getting myself suspended, and then expelled, like a world-class dumbass. God, I'm such a loser. A drug-addicted world-class dumbass loser. I suck. You know I used to cut myself? Still do, sometimes. I have depression, so it helps, but not much. Even burn myself with cigarettes.

"I'm also a pyromaniac. Fire's my thing. Which is what got us into this deep shit, anyway. Hate it, hate myself. Tried suicide a couple times, but obviously that didn't work. Can't even kill myself right.

"When I got expelled, I ran away. I was gone a long time; can't remember how long now, but I know it was a long time. Yaknow my parents didn't even notice I was gone? That's how invisible me 'n my brother are to them.

"Yeah I got a brother; CJ. Little brother CJ. Good kid. Ok grades, in choir. He's pretty good, though I've only heard him sing at home. Never got to tell him that, yaknow, before I..." Evan trailed off. Gavin heard his voice hitch. "Before he, umm, when I..."

And then Gavin heard something he'd never thought he'd hear; Evan crying. "Oh God, I killed him, he's dead, I did it, oh my God... what did I do, what did I do...?"

Gavin's mind eyes went wide. He... what?

"I can't believe I did that... there's fire everywhere... CJ? Wake up, bro. Come on, wake up little bro."

Opening his eyes to the point where they appeared shut, Gavin saw Evan with his hands gripping his hair, legs up and ankles crossed, rocking back and forth on his butt.

"CJ, please wake up... I didn't mean it, please..."

He had the appearance of a patient in a psychiatric ward, and the ramblings of one, as well. "What've I done, what've I done? CJ please wake up!"

But then his demeanor changed; he came to a complete stop, eyes wide and staring but not focusing on anything. Gavin didn't know if he was even breathing. Evan raised his head, breathing now haggard and pupils dilated to pinpoints; something was most definitely wrong. "CJ?" He called, reaching out. Of course, there was no one there except for Gavin, but in Evan's mind there was. "CJ, I miss you, bro. Please stay with me,"

His expression drooped. "Why?"

He nodded in apparent understanding. "Okay, I get it. I wish you could stay with me longer,"

Shaking his head, he grimaced, "No, don't worry, I stopped. I won't do that to you ever again, I promise."

Smiling sadly, he nodded once more. "Ok. Hugs before you leave?" He offered, arms out. Apparently CJ accepted, as Evan wrapped his arms around air. About a minute later, Evan released, staring sadly in front of him for a few seconds, until he fainted.

Gavin jumped up, eyes wide and afraid. "Evan! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh,"

He shook him. "Evan! Wake up!"

Nothing. Gavin willed back the tears forming in his eyes. Not dead, he's not dead. 'Yet.' Said the a-hole voice in his head. "Shut it!" He growled, squeezing his eyes shut to keep back his tears. "Evan, wake up. Please, please wake up."

Panic began to well inside of him again, and he couldn't breathe. He started gasping for air; it felt like he was being smothered, and his chest hurt; he felt dizzy, he was shaking, his heart was racing, and tingles shot through him.

Grasping at his throat, he choked out, "Evan, Evan."

'Can't... breathe...!' "Evan; help me..."

Blackness appeared at the edges of his vision, slowly moving inward. He felt... so weak... "Evan... help..."

The blackness filled his eyes, and he fainted.