I Will Find You (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 5- Family

Harry woke up with sunlight just peeking out behind the dingy curtains in his hotel room. It took a couple of minutes for Harry to figure out where exactly he was, let alone recall the events that took place the night before. When he eventually did, though, he ran his fingers through his hair and sat up with a deep sigh.

He was sitting in his hotel room alone. Not a good sign.

Zayn must have thought he was crazy. That’s why he didn’t stay when I fell asleep, Harry thought; I knew I shouldn’t have told him.

“Shit.” He muttered aloud, unconsciously tightening the hold on the white sheets surrounding him. Nick said nobody else would love me, Harry continued to convince himself, mind racing. He warned me this would happen. I’m such a fuck up.

He got up out of bed and started pacing, demonic thoughts racing through his tired brain. Tears slowly started leaking out of his red, lifeless eyes as the realization really hit him like a freight train: Yes, nobody loves me. Not even Zayn. And sure as hell not Louis. I had my only chance with Nick.

The dam broke, and the little streams of tears turned into roaring rivers. Harry sobbed harder that he had ever before, even more than when he had confessed himself to Zayn the night before.

Harry made his decision without a second thought.

Pulling himself together, he walked towards the bathroom with a newfound purpose. Not even bothering to shut the door behind him, he got down on his knees and started searching for the little bag of relief he kept hidden in every new hotel they had on tour. Finally reaching it, he unzipped the small pouch and took his tool out. His savior. His razor.

Harry felt a wave of emotions is that moment—but the one that stood out the most was the feeling of uselessness. He knew that the lads probably loved him like a brother, and yea, he admits it feels good to know it. But Harry believes that if he died, or even just gone away for a while, nobody would miss him. And that’s even worse than being unloved... being felt uncared for.

Bringing the blade in contact with the pale skin of his wrist, he sucked in a deep breath. Harry had never done it on his arms before, being too afraid of getting caught. He had only done it for pain, relief, and never attention. So he kept the angry red lines on his hips and thighs, figuring this was the safest place. But Harry wasn’t aiming to bring a short burst of relief to himself this morning—oh no. He was aiming the end the pain for good.

Starting slow, he dragged the razor across the meatiest part of his arm, not going in too deep. Oh yea, it definitely hurt worse on his arm. But Harry continued, getting deeper and deeper as he slowly crept away from his meaty arm and closer to the delicate skin of his wrist. Harry could see his blue veins beneath the transparent skin, almost taunting him with his life.

Maybe this was selfish, Harry thought. I haven’t left a note. I haven’t explained to my family why I have turned out this way.

But then he thought of Zayn. Zayn had left him the morning after he had told him his secret. He was disgusted by him.

And that’s when Harry quickly slashed the blade across his delicate patch of skin for the last time.

00000

“Harry?” Louis called from outside his door. “We need to talk, love.” He knocked a quick three times with his knuckles. “Harry?”

“Maybe this is a bad idea, Lou”, he heard Zayn say directly behind him. “We all know he’s more comfortable around you. Maybe you should just go in first.”

Louis sighed. “Zayn, you’re the one he told.” He looked back at the boys standing behind him. “We need to do this together, boys. As family.”

Niall, Liam, and Zayn nodded in agreement as Louis proceeded to knock on Harry’s door.

“Harry? Wake up babe!” A slight groan sounded from through the door, but then was followed by silence once again.

Louis looked at Zayn once again. “Don’t you have an extra key?”

Zayn shook his head in disbelief. “I’m such an idiot, yea”, he confessed digging in his back pocket. “Sorry, here. Should have remembered.”

“It’s alright mate.” Louis said with a smile. “It’s understandable with what shit has been put on you recently.”

He took the key from Zayn and swiped it through the lock on the door. Once he heard the familiar click, he pushed in, motioning for the boys to follow in pursuit.

“Harry?” He called out once again. Nothing.

“He’s not in his bed!” Niall called from across the room.

“Not in the kitchenette, either!” Liam added.

All of a sudden, a groan sounded from the bathroom. Louis proceeded towards the room to check it out.

“Harry?”

He was met by the sight of Harry slouched up again the bathroom wall, eyes rolling into the back of his head whilst clutching his bloodied wrist to his chest.

“Lo…Lou…” He groaned. “It hurts.”

“Shit.” Louis looked at the boy in shock, wondering quickly what he had to do to fix him. “SHIT.” He added, nearly shouting.

“GUYS, GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW.” He yelled out to the boys.

The sound of stomping footsteps was soon replaced by gasps.

“FUCK.” Liam gasped. But he soon swallowed his fear and started taking charge. He cleared his throat and took a shocked Louis by the shoulders. “Lou—Louis! Look at me!” Louis was snapped out of his state and looked back at Liam, teary eyed. “Go sit by Harry. Keep him calm. Okay?” Louis nodded and almost at once went over to his broken best friend. “Zayn, I need you to go find a first aid kit—no I don’t know where, just go get one!” He snapped. “Niall, go call an ambulance.” He spared a glance at the bloody boy behind him and then back at Niall. “This is fucking serious.”

After Niall scrambled away, Liam turned and went towards Louis and Harry crouched on the tiled floor. Louis had brought Harry on his lap and was whispering in his ear.

“Harry… why Harry...” He breathed.

“I-I thought Zayn...” He took a breath. “No...Nobody loves me.” He finally choked out.

Tears were now shamelessly flowing down Louis cheeks. He kissed Harry ever so gently on his forehead, sirens very faintly being heard outside their window, and whispered “Harry, we love you. We’re your family. Forever.”