Loyalty and Mischief (WIP)

Chapter 43 - Always there

In the following days, Sigyn didn't seek Loki out. She barely left the room she now shared with Rúna. And if she did, it was only after asking her handmaiden to ensure Loki wasn't near. She couldn't bear to face her. Not after what'd been said and done. 
The reasonable side within her knew she had to respect Loki's wish for privacy. Let her come to terms with what had happened in her own way, just like Sigyn herself had done thirty years ago. But back then, neither had died. Losing their child hadn't weighed as hard as it did now. No curse had been cast. And even with the door closed between them, their love had still felt strong. In this moment... it stood on the verge of snapping, like a chord strung too tight.

The first night she'd spent apart from Loki, Sigyn had once again tried to connect with her through their mind-link. She yet sensed her being entwined with Loki's, her wife's magic yet strumming with her own deep within the pendant she wore. But no matter what she tried, she failed to make it surface. 
Had they yet been on speaking terms, Sigyn would've simply asked Loki about it. Had she closed the link off so she could focus better on undoing Aphrodite's spell? Was it because of Aphrodite's magic that their minds no longer connected, the Olympian's sorcery clashing with their own? Or... was it because Loki didn't want Sigyn connected to her anymore? Didn't want her to somehow learn the truth she herself was too afraid to face and admit to? 

Those dark thoughts, those fears, consumed Sigyn a bit more every day. For every perfectly sensible explanation she came up with, for every ounce of courage she mustered to just go about her day and allow Loki to come to her when she felt ready for it, that little irksome, nagging voice at the back of her mind grew louder and bolder. 
The Allfather was right; she was a danger. She'd nearly caused another war between Olympus and Asgard by attacking Hermes. Her lips curled into a snarl at the thought of him. She should have finished that bastard. Why let the one who'd truly hurt Loki live? Why let the prospect of war stop her? She was a fire mage. Desire was her strength. If she wished for destruction, it would be so. Who could stop her? Baldur, that pest? Thor, that fool? Odin? Loki...

Would she really dare to stop you? All you'd do would be for her. To protect her. To keep anyone else from hurting her. If she loves you, she'll realise that.

Sigyn chewed her bottom lip. If Loki loved her... Eros had said their love was severely damaged. But damaged in what way? Could it still be mended? Or had she already lost Loki? 
Norns, what if, in her efforts to help, she drove the person she loved most in the entire universe away instead? What if... she hurt Loki? 

You've always been able to restrain yourself when Loki was near, spoke the voice inside again. Remember Frigga's garden? You didn't hurt Loki then, you won't hurt Loki now. It's not what you want, so stop thinking of what if and focus on the undeniable truth that Loki needs you.

She did. Sigyn knew she did. Loki needed her as much as she needed Loki, perhaps even more. Like fire needed oxygen, like the sun needed the moon, like life needed death. They were a natural balance, both halves unable to exist on their own for too long. 
But to be near, not apart, yet not together either, was excruciating agony. An agony that was making Sigyn desperate enough to consider breaking her promise. The only thing keeping her from returning to Asgard alone and asking the Allfather and Queen for help was that it would be yet another betrayal for Loki. One that could send her over the edge... if she wasn't there already.

A soft knock on the door nearly made Sigyn jump from the bed. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly to compose herself, and straightened her skirts as she walked to the door. She opened it to a sliver, throwing it wide upon seeing Loki on the threshold.
Not for the first time did Sigyn's breath choke at the sight of her. Loki's raven locks, that soft hair she loved to bury her fingers in when they made love, lay in a weaved side braid across her head. Her blue eyes had a detailed shade of nude, brown, and copper, bringing ice and earth together in just one gaze. She wore a tawny blouse over dark, tight-fitting leather pants, which hugged her curves perfectly. Sigyn's nails dug into the door so as not to lunge at Loki and make her hers again.