The Center

Chapter 18 - one must first

The lack of air in The Chapel suffocates me. This is crazy. I don't know anything about the Bible. My stomach whirls like a hurricane. Based on Daniel's expression throughout the morning, the message has to be something wonderful. He hasn't smiled at me like that since before school started. He's sorry. His weeks of coming to The Center prove that. The words on the folded paper are further evidence. I know he's a Christian. He probably wants me to become one too. I mean, that was the reason he wouldn't date me at school. It would explain why Daniel came. It would explain his smile. It would explain the glow I saw in his eyes.

I need to read his words. My heart accelerates. I can't do it in this room. I want to read this outside, out past The Bunker, a remote place in the woods with only a single camera creeping on me. My nerves tingle with an exhilaration I haven't known in months. I carry my secret from The Chapel embraced to my chest. I won't keep the Bible but I need it for my search. I'll bring it back like a library book when I finish. Cameras hum as I move. They follow me out of the room.

On the southeast path, Daniel's winks and smiles prick against my gut. My nerves are raw as I march past The Bunker. Its entrance today reminds me of a metallic version of the glass entrance to the famous Louvre museum in Paris. The city of love.

I step off the cement onto a gravel trail, happy to return to nature. The desire for Daniel's acceptance touches some place sad inside of me. I seldom called on God or Nanny Bella's Jesus, and then it was only a cry to some unknown force that might rescue me from a test or something. There was no reason for me to seek him in my previous life. All my physical wants and needs were supplied to me. Because my father treated me like nothing more than furniture, I had no interest in a spiritual father. But now, the sinking daylight flakes off some of my skepticism. The love I've waited for my entire life could materialize in this moment. Maybe Jackson is right. Maybe The Chapel does offer love. A real love. The sweet gentle look on Daniel's face. The small note I now embrace. The sacrifice of his summer to come see me. For four weeks, Daniel sat in The Chapel only a few feet from my dorm room? Wow.

The Bible sticks to my sweaty fingers. I switch hands and continue. Nanny Bella used to say, "You find love when you stop looking for it."

I tighten my grip on the book. A rectangular booth stands at the edge of the woods. I step inside the glass room and shut the door. Directly in front of me, a flat-panel screen sparks to life. I wait for the Tower guard to answer. The image of Rowena appears on the screen.

"Good afternoon, Courtney. Lovely day." She smirks.

"Yes, ma'am." I fake my smile. Love might be real, but Rowena's presence reminds me that God is not. Any other guard would be understanding. Any other guard would let me wander past this booth to the seclusion of the woods. But no. This witch stands between me and Daniel's message.

"What can I do for you on this beautiful afternoon?"

"I've borrowed a Bible from The Chapel. I'd like to go into the woods and read on the bench down by the creek."

"The sun sets in less than an hour."

"I won't be long."

"How not long do you plan?" She glares at me.

"About an hour?"

She cackles and shakes her head. "Now, Courtney, you'd never find your way back in the dark." She looks over at a clock I can't see and says, "The sun sets in about twenty minutes."

I hate to beg her, and only Daniel could get me to do it. "Can I please go out there for twenty minutes?"

"What's so important?"