The Center

Chapter 41 - "It will not be broken;

What is with it with people? Seriously! I'm supposed to fall into their thinking just because they think it. Shade from the aspen grove speckles the ground on my way back up the mountain. The last thing I expected when I went to Dr. Maggie's office was war, but that's what it felt like. My biggest worries used to be about outfits, not ideologies. Why should I have to choose? They can't make me. If neutrality kept Switzerland out of Hitler's camps then it will work for me. Memories of home and love no longer haunt me. All the skeletons that rattle around in my brain belong to me.

My breathing is hard as I stomp my way to the top of Mt. Hermon again. I lift my Bracelet-covered wrist at the camera. I do not have the patience to go ask for permission. I'm connected to enough wires for them to know where I am on my so-called "free"day.

Whatever.

I'm tired of being preached at.

Dr. Maggie blasts her views from speakers every morning.

Daniel winks and smiles before stabbing me with a note of hate.

I'm more than over it. At the top of the hill, disappointment hangs on me. I kick a rock. It was only a few hours ago that I sat here so peacefully. I walk back and forth along the edge. I miss Nanny Bella. She never pushed me one way or the other. She quietly prayed for me. When she told me about her baby Jesus, he was hers. Something I could have if I wanted or not.

But not Daniel.

Not Dr. Maggie.

I hear the crunch of boots behind me.

Of course. I lift my hands to the sky and drop them hard at my side. Someone else to bark commands and tell me how to live. I flip around at to shout at whatever gray-clad guard came to harass me. "You have a freaking GPS on my ankle, isn't that enough."

Jackson is too far away to hear me, instead he shouts back, "What?"

I turn back to face the canyon where the soft shadows are long. The sun made it over the ridge and each mountain is engulfed in light. Exposed. Down below, some idiot had a fire going. He's way too close to the fence, but that won't last for long. Random, camper dude didn't know about the cameras. By the sound of the boots behind me, he'll find out soon enough. The gestapo as Dr. Maggie called them will be on his butt about the no-trespassing signs and steal any ounce of peace he's found in these woods as well.

A twig snaps. Jackson gets closer. I wonder if he's really all Dr. Maggie accuses him of. The grin on his face doesn't fade when he sees me. That Ashton Kutcher smile annoys me enough to wish I had another stick to swipe at him.

"Hi, Courtney."

"I know, I didn't check in." I put my hand on my hip.

"Check in where?" He shrugs.

"After the counseling session."

"What counseling session? It's a free day. The night guard said you were up here."

I continue to pace. This place is enough to make a sane person crazy. Check-in. Don't check in. Go here. Don't go there.

"Sorry if we confused you, we didn't mean to." He dusts the dirt as if it makes a difference and sits on the ground.

I bite my lip and keep walking back and forth. Back and forth. He points to a clear spot across from him. I stop and demand, "What do you want?"

"Whoa, am I bothering you?"

"Yes," I say clear and confident. I want to tell him the entire world was bothering me, but he might think that I was being too general. He wouldn't include himself.

"Sorry," he said, but he didn't get up, instead he stretches out his legs and pulls something from his pocket. "I won't be long, I was just ask to deliver this to you." He extends his arm to hand me a folded piece of paper. "It's from Mario."

I stop and swallow. This is suspicious. Not that Jackson or Mario has done much to me, but Dr. Maggie pushed all my warning buttons this morning. "Why not give it to me himself?"

"Passing notes is against the rules."

Don't I know it. I shake my head and take the small note. Air catches in my throat. It's the same size and shape as Daniel's. For all I know it's something from the Bible. I want to open it slowly but with Jackson watching, I look at it quickly as if I'm not afraid of folded pieces of paper. Turns out my fear is justified. Written on the small page are the words, "Proverbs 10:12."

"Not again. Nope." I crumple the note and toss it on the ground. "Not again." I go back to pacing. Dr. Maggie wasn't wrong. These guards are trying to convert me. I shouldn't trust anyone. Anger threatens to flood my eyes. "I don't need another fabulous word from God."

"First of all, we don't litter." Jackson picks up the note and opens it. "Second, what's wrong with Proverbs?"

"Nothing." I fake a smile at him. "It's my favorite book."

"Something tells me you're lying." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a thin black book.

"Is that a Bible?" My heart hurts. I didn't want Dr. Maggie to be right about this jerk. But she is, he's a religious nut. No doubt he's going to try to push me into his thinking just like she did. A note from Mario. Right. These guys are in this thing together. "You actually carry that around in your pocket?"

"Why not?"

A million reasons come to mind but I tell him the most obvious, "Jackson, I don't need any more words or heroes or mantras to chant." I walk closer to the edge. The fire glows in the brightness of morning. "I just want to think for myself, is that okay with you?" I point to the small torture device in his hand. "And I want nothing to do with that."

He stands up. "This isn't like the note we found in the forest."

Random. "I didn't leave any notes in the forest." They can blame me for a lot of things, but not that.

"The note that caused your temper tantrum."

"What?"

"When you got The Bracelet."

The one from Daniel.

I stop.

"You found that?" I couldn't believe it. In fact, I could have sworn I ripped it up. But maybe I just threw it at the camera like I did the torn pages of the Bible. They search that stuff? Why would they do that?

"We found it," he nods, "but this verse is different."

"Right."

"Look it up." He shoves his Bible at me. "It is, the actual quote is, 'Love covers a multitude of sins.'"

"Very funny." I wave the joke book at him.

"What's that?" His voice is strained.

"Your Bible. It's very funny." I face him, ready to fight whatever he might say, but I realize he's not looking at me. He's looking down the canyon. Before I can tell him to leave the camper alone, he turns and runs down the mountain faster than is humanly safe.

"Wait, you forgot your Bible!"

He doesn't stop. From my peripheral vision I see smoke rising from the valley below. Down where I thought there was a camper, flames lick at the fence and spread fast. A swift wind pushes the hair across my face.

That is a fire.

Not a campfire.

A forest fire.