The Center

Chapter 45 - "To love is to be vulnerable."

Of course, I feel stupid after I read the first sentence of Mark. It's not a story about a guy named Mark at all. It's about Jesus. I shake my head and take another bite of my apple and flip through the pages. I'm not ready to read about Jesus. Not ready to have him judge me like God did. I sip my water and flip pages until I come to a section titled, "The Rich Young Man."

I nod.

That sounds perfect.

I slide my tray beside me and lean back. After clearing my throat, I read aloud, "As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. 'Good teacher,' he asked, 'what must I do to inherit eternal life?'"

This guy obviously never read Proverbs. I know the answer, stop being proud and don't lie or hurt innocent people.

I bend my knees and put the book on top of them. With another bite of my sandwich, I read the red letters in my head. "'Why do you call me good?' Jesus answered. 'No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: "Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother."

"'Teacher,' he declared, 'all these I have kept since I was a boy.'"

No way. This man had to be guilty of something. Come on, Jesus just said only God is good. I took the last bite of the sandwich and dusted the crumbs from my hands. The only rich person I knew who didn't act stuck-up is Mario. But he did hurt his sister. My cousin Bailey is pretty cool. She always did sweet things for people, although she is a horrible gossip. No. No one's good except God. I buy that one. No big.

After another sip of water I continue, "Jesus looked at him and loved him."

What?

I read it again. Did Jesus believe this guy? Maybe Jesus is nicer than God. Maybe this rich guy was good. Not someone who would hurt people. My hope fades when I read the next piece. "'One thing you lack,' he said. 'Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.' At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth."

I get it. He's right. I'm not glad that I'm agreeing with Jesus, but I get it. Giving has brought me more joy than any gift I've ever gotten. I continue reading, happy to have the diversion as well as the validation. Of course, when I get to the part about camels and needles I remember why I hated English. I read it again because I don't get it. It doesn't help. I close the book. Whatever. I don't have to understand that part. What I can hold onto was the fact that I want at my very core to live a selfless life. And to think I thought the only value this book would bring me was paper to make origami. Not that I would have destroyed it. That's the old me. Now I hold it close to my heart thinking of the joy I'll feel when I hand it to Jackson.

I smile, but before I can look for another story, I hear the lock on the door release.

Oh no.

I pull my foot out of the way and tuck the Bible into the waistband in the back of my pants. Dr. Maggie might have saw it. Rowena or any of the other guards might be here to take away the book. The door swings open as I turn my body toward it. The Bible behind me.

My hands start to tremble so I keep them on the floor next to me and I sit cross-legged. Everything inside of me prepares for battle. It won't do any good to swing at them, but maybe I can talk my way out of this. I might even cry or beg. No matter what I want to keep this book. I need it, not for the words as much as for the day I return it to Jackson. He gave it to me. I should return it to him. It's only right.