Where the Sun Sets

Eleven

Honestly, Im a fucking mess. I had no idea I'd actually grown that attached to Spencer. It's like my heart is buried where the sun sets and I can never actually reach it.

I don't know. I've been feeling poetic in my time of aloneness.

I'm not even alone. I go to school and am surrounded by all these people and my friends but all I can ever think about is Spencer.

Hatred. That's what I need to feel. I need to forget about the time we had and feel hateed towards her because she's fucking evil.

An evil, spiteful, no good-

"You hear?" Nelson looked up at me, trying not to be suspicious about this stupid fucking conversation. It's probably already suspicious, honestly. Nelly noticed it I know other people have.

And I grow increasingly more irritable when someone mentions that vile, rude, horrible...

"Natalie?"

"What?" I snapped, not even realizing I was being rude. My mood has been fucking horrible for days now.

Penelope raised her eyebrows, "Damn. Sorry." She and everyone else at the table shared the same look.

Roger looked at me. An expression I have never seen him make appeared for a moment before he scooted closer to my chair, turning back to the group. "What's this chat about?"

Pen just shrugged, "I thought it was funny..." She nodded to their table. Across the way. A direct line of sight. The worst fucking situation to be in right now. "Spencer and Brady."

"Spencer and Brady..?" I leaned forward, studying the football player seated next to Spencer. And... yeah. They're something all right. His arm around her chair. Her body language leaning into him. That's so funny. I mean, fall break was only two weeks long and that bitch is fucking Brady Thompson.

"Yeah, apparently she went into his work and asked him out."

I stood up, my chair squealing against the floor. Funny. Everything is funny. Haha funny.

"Nat?" Shy looked up at me, confused. Actually, everyone at my fucking lunch table was looking. And the kids at that table. And...

"I don't feel good." I nodded quickly, scooting my chair back in. Loudly.

Penelope stood up, "I'll walk you to the nurse."

"No!" I smiled politely at her, realizing my temper was only growing shorter and shorter and I'm gonna throw up. "No. I- um..."

Nelson stood, following me out of the room with his bag on one shoulder and mine on the other. "You good?"

I didn't say anything on my way to the south doors. I just went outside, standing there as the snow fell in flurry's around me.

"It's cold as shit, y'know."

"Need a moment." I took a deep brwath, looking around. I see Gavin's car, an old rust bucket he's been driving since he got his permit. The tree that caught on fire last year during the storm. The bleachers... I turned back to my brother. "She fucking sucks."

"Yeah, and so does pneumonia." He gestured for me to come back inside.

When I went back in, I felt calmer. I need a moment to remember I was a real person. My high school experience doesn't define me and neither does Spencer treating me this way.

His look was confused but also... worried. "So..."

"I just needed to breathe."

"Didn't expect it to hurt you like that." Nelson handed me his sweatshirt, his shirt covered in cats with guitars. "Honestly, I thought you'd peeped that already."